weekend wrap up

Wow feels like I haven't written in a while. Yesterday, after I enjoyed my quiet time, the twins woke up and Sean, Brianna and Gavin, came home, we all went on a bike ride. It was really nice. I forgot how much I enjoy bike riding. It's so much fun. It helps me remember what it's like to be a kid. Or how I felt as a child riding my bike. I would like to do it more often. When we got back, we relaxed and just hung out. Later on after the kids went to bed, we had friends over and played games. It was fun. I am noticing how much more relaxed I am while playing games. I am learning to play for the fun of it. It's becoming more enjoyable. At the same time I notice that Sean can be very analytical during a game sometimes. I don't even know if that's the right word, but it's the best one for now. I found myself feeling a bit irked every so often, and then I'd remind myself that I don't have to focus on it, and I certainly don't have to let it take away from my enjoyment. I know he also just wasn't feeling well last night. He wasn't quite in that carefree funny mood. I guess I can cut him a little slack ;) During the evening I asked him to pick some tarot cards, and he did but I couldn't read them. I don't think I will ask him to pick cards. I enjoy it so much, but I don't think it's quite where he's at. I am realizing with the tarot, that if I am reading someone, I sort of have to sit and wait patiently to get a hit. It's sort of like, boom, this thought enters my mind, and gets my attention and then the cards just come together. It's fun when it happens. It happened last night with N's cards. Some people are more open and willing to be read or something and it's just easy. Others, it's not easy at all, actually I don't get hits with some people and Sean is one of them. My grandmother too. Today I was in an angry place. Why? Not sure. I got up early with the kids, we did our thing, but I was just grumpy. After Sean woke up, I was feeling so grumpy, I decided to lay down. I figured even if I couldn't fall asleep, I could work on feeling better. I did end up falling asleep, but it was sort of anxious. Like, I kept waking up worried that I would sleep our family time away, or that I should be doing this or that. When I finally did get up, I got in the shower. I did feel somewhat better so that was a relief. We went to Barnes and Noble. We didn't put the twins in the stroller. Wow huh? They did great. They had gift certificates from their birthdays and then it was educators week 25% off. So Brianna picked out some books-She's really into chapter books, and wanted Nanny McPhee. I asked her to read 6 pages everday and she agreed. I also got her and Gavin Mandala books, some history story books etc. Keegan picked out a thomas train, it's a train that carries sharks. So now he keeps calling it his fish train. Hayden picked out this stuffed animal pig and calls it his piggy. Gavin used him birthday money to buy the spongebob movie. Since it was 25% off, I bought the nicely illustrated You can heal your life by Louise Hayes and her companion book oh, an her Inner wisdom mediations. i also bought myself a mediatative cd called awakened mind. I think I will try it before I go to bed. Oh and I bought myself some new goddess cards. My other ones were getting a bit bent, and scraped up. See, Brianna has been asking and asking for her own Goddess cards, so I decided, I would give her my presnet ones, and buy myself new ones. She was very happy and so am I. While we were at Barnes and Noble, Keegan and I were in the cd section. Well I turned for a monent and he took off. I went to look for him and couldn't find him. It was hard not to feel panicky as I looked for him. I went straight for the front door to be sure he didn't run out, taking deep breaths and a part of me wanting to scream KEEGAN. Then my cell phone rang and it was Sean, and I asked if Keegan was with him (Sean was in the kiddie area). And he said he was (deep breath of relief) and then was like how could you lose him type thing. It didn't feel very good, but what could I say really? I felt bad about it, but decided not to fall into an argument with Sean about it because then I'd feel worse. Sean was pretty pissed but didn't keep commenting on it. Heck it's not very often I lose my kids, I think I am pretty damned good at keeping track of them. I do the best I can and that's all I can do. I'll leave it at that, cause just writing about this lowers my vibration. Then we had the grandmas over, and my Nanny's sort of boyfriend Burt. It's funny to watch her flirt with him, I am seeing a whole other side to my Nanny. We had pizza and ice cream out on the porch, it was really a nice cool day. Then my Nanny and I went to see flight 93. That might not have been the best idea for me. I thought I could see the movie and feel alright, but it was just really really intense, brought back feelings of anger, and sadness. The movie itself was well done-it's just that I couldn't even tell myself this was a movie, it happened. I felt myself getting pissed at the president, actually more pissed at the president than the terrorists. i know weird, but true. So, yeah, I will choose my movies more carefully in the future. I have this side to me that likes to be scared, likes the rush of things and that side sometimes wins out with my choice of movies. During most of the movie, my heart was beating frantically and I thought oh geez, what have I done to myself? A couple brought a three year old into the movie and I was like judging them-and my Nanny was ranting about Bush and about the parents bringing the three year old to the movie, and Tom Cruise's "bastard child", she has this thing about child born out of wed lock. And I just realized I had my quota of my nanny and of the movie. It's all good now though. I feel better now that I am home. Btw, I really don't like the term bastard and it being used anywhere near child/baby etc, but my nanny just doesn't see anything wrong with using the term. I realize in a way, I might have just helped my nanny by bringing her to the movie tonight. She's been depressed and when she gets depressed she gets depressed. She doesn't get out of bed, or get dressed etc. So her going to see that movie and getting all angry again at bush and at the government and at Tom Cruise, well it moves her out of her depression. Now if she would move on out of the anger and right into joy, that would be great. All in time. I picked cards today, however I am not going to post them. GASP. I know the first time in weeks to not post my cards. I am going to pick some new cards for tomorrow and I will post them. Tomorrow night, is Beltane and it will be the last time I go to meditate with my friend. I am realizing that I want a weekly spiritual thing with a friend. Whether it's meditating, card reading, beading, just something to do with someone else. You know what else would be fun, to read a book with someone, aloud. Just a chapter or two of reading aloud to eachother, some spiritual book. But also incorporating the meditating. That I really enjoy doing that with others. This week, with Brianna and Gavin, I am going to steer clear of workbooks. We'll read the silly poem book that I got them today, we'll try to make up our own poem, we'll color mandalas together, I'll pick an exercise from nuturing spirituality in children to do with them, we'll play games, and just have a fun relaxed week together. Maybe we'll read nanny mcphee together, and I'll break out our experiment kits. I know Bri needs a break from workbooks, I have been working her hard with them, just trying to get them finished so we can start fresh this summer in a whole new direction. But she really doesn't have to finish them. The twins are doing much better, so maybe we can see some friends, I know they are missing their friends. My cards for tomorrow: Goddess-I just love them! Oonagh:Easy does it:"There is no need to hurry or force things to happen. Everything is occuring in perfect timing." Eireen:Peace:"There is no need to worry, as everything is working out beautifully Diana:Focused Intention:"Keep your unwavering thought, feelings, and actions focused on your target, and you will make your mark." Tomorrow, I will keep my thoughts focused on allowing things to happen in their own time and trusting that things will work out nicely. I will keep my thoughts focused on feelings of peace and allowing. Abe: Anything I can imagine being, doing or having-I can be,do or have. Yes, I will get to that fun place where I completely feel that phrase. "The measure of my success if my joy" "As I breathe deeply, I feel myself thrive." Tomorrow, I will focus on breathing and thriving, and I will really care about how I am feeling. I will share my tarot cards for today, because I got that hit. The chariot The Emperor Daughter of cups For this reading I felt that the chariot, and the emperor, hmm are similar. And today I felt in emperor mood with the kids. Bossing them around. I was in that "do it or else" mode. The chariot represents how i felt as kid with regards to my parents, that they had all the power, the emperor represents me falling into those habits where I get inflexible and just want it done my way while parenting- ahhh thank goodness for that lovely daughter of cups card. I felt like the dolphins were my kids, and I get right down to their level, it shows a more cooperative parenting style. I always have a choice, I can parent the way I was taught or parent the way I am guided to. I choose to parent the way I am guided to by my Inner Being. That feels much better and the daugther of cups, pictures that for me. Cool huh? Ok now my cards for tomorrow wow ok.. Seven of swords Death Nine of stones Seven of swords shows a headless figure with swords coming down around him, feeling trapped, powerless overwhelmed helpless, Then Death, which to me, signifies an end to those extreme feelings and whatever habits/patterns are associated and then Nine of stones, which shows gold orbs, balance nicely surrounded in white purple light, which is what I consider Source light, this signifies new thoughts, new more joyful feelings, gaining knowledge and joy. In Love, and Appreciation, D~

Quiet times

Hayden and Keegan are napping. Sean took Brianna and Gavin on some errands. It has been quiet for the last 1 1/2. I spent time working out and showering. Now I am sitting down to bask in my quiet house. Hayden is doing much better. This morning I brought him to the doctors so that they could listen to his chest.. I had been feeling some anxiety about it and now both Sean and i can feel better, because everything sounded as it should sound. We are going on a bike ride when the twins wake up. It's such a beautiful day. Sometimes I catch myself feeling guilty for the fact that I get so much me time. That's not very productive. Last night after the kids were asleep, I went to Jo-ann's and bought so many beautiful crystals and glass beads. What triggered my guilt, was feeling like today I am having all of this time and then last night I had some time. I am worth it and it's ok for me to have the time to do the things I enjoy. I should feel excited that I attract the time for what I want to do. I am choosing to release any feelings of guilt about the time I have for myself. I deserve it and I enjoy it. I intend to feel appreciation for all the time I have and for all the wonderful things I get to do, from spending time with friends, to working out, to even the little things like taking a shower without the interruptions of children or the worries of what they might be doing while I am showering. Last night after I got back from the store, Sean and I hung out together. We almost played a game, but then we both felt he should get to bed early since he hasn't been sleeping well. Tonight, we have some friends coming over and we'll play some games. I am going to make pizzas for us,and we'll just have a bunch of fun. It's funny how I have been feeling. Things are different, and different in a good way. The way I am talking to myself, the way I am thinking about myself and situations-it's stronger, more focused. I am believing more and more that I am capable of anything I want. It feels wonderful. Something I am really focusing on is slenderness. I am seeing myself as more slender, I am just expecting it to happen easily without much effort. At the same time, i am thinking thoughts about being happy where I am at. It feels good. Ok, back to how I have been feeling. In the past, I would have a really good day followed by 3, 4, or 5 bad feeling days, then have 2 or 3 good days and again followed by 3, 4, or 5 days. Now, I am having positive days, with times throughout the day where I feel really empowered and then followed by a tired day or two, then boom several nice feeling days. The fun thing is, it almost feels like I am able to purposely bring on the really empowered feeling-at will. How awesome that is, to just boom be able to swing into that "flying high, loving life, empowered feeling? I will keep playing with that. Like today, I woke up feeling tired. Though I don't feel bad. Sometimes I wake up tired, I feel really bad. This feels nice. I recognize that my energy level isn't where I want it to be, but it's no big deal. It's not depressing me. Or ruining my day like it has in the past. I have so many fun things to look forward too. I just love it. I have to put these to quotes in here, they resonated so much for me. You are not powerless about anything. When you get a vision and then find alignment with it, you ARE powerful. And then amazing things begin to happen around you. ...You must be free, you *are* free and no one should have the ability to take your freedom from you. And no one does when you know that. And until you do, a 2 year old can entrap you!!!North Los Angeles, 2/18/06 Freedom is the condition that exists within any individual when he understands that the Universe is responding to his vibrational mix. And he is wise enough to follow what feels good in order to bring himself into vibrational alignment with what he desires.2/18/06 North Los Angeles You ARE powerful. You ARE empowered. You ARE free. And nothing feels worse than the PERCEPTION that you are not powerful,not empowered, not free. You are SO FREE that you can choose bondage!The World responds to your vibration. The world responds to thedirection of your thought.So you're utterly free, and discovering that is everything. --Abraham-- Tampa 12/6/03 ahh yep powerful & free to do whatever I want, be whatever I want. To have all the time I want. cards for today: Pele: Divine Passion Ixchel: Medicine woman Nemetona:Sacred Space Going into a quiet place to heal through Reiki and or meditation, and get clear about what i am passionate about. My future isn't about my past (Life is about NOW.) In all of my visualizations, it's good for me to remember to appreciate the now I practice the Science of Deliberate Creation. The harder I push against it, the more I attract its essence. Tarot cards: Past:Six of wands-flying high, enjoying life Present:seven of swords:could just be the feeling of tiredness I have today Future:two of wands:things come together perfectly. In Appreciation, D~

More new moon adventures and cards for today April 28

This morning started off rocky, started off with me losing my focus. That's ok, because I now have some time to center myself and get into a feeling better place. Sean took the kids to P.E. for field day. The twins are still sick. Keegan is acting like he is feeling better. Hayden is still not quite back to himself. I am sure after a few more days of antibiotics, he'll be more like himself. Last night I went to W's for our new moon gathering. We had some more people, which was nice. I made a necklace for Brianna, she's been asking me all week. W was so generous with her gems/crystals and offered many for me to use in Brianna's necklace. I then made earrings. Yay, I am so excited to have made some. I used some fairy charms and some goddess charms. They are very simple style, it felt great to make them. We were all so busy beading-it was funny. Many times some of us are doing something, but we were just so focused and intent on beading. Everyone had a project they worked on. I had done some henna while I waited for Bri to finish music before new moon, and I just loved how it came out. It's funny how sometimes I do it and just feel good while doing it and love how it comes out and then other times I feel frustrated while doing it and don't like how it comes out. I have come to realize that if I am in a good place I enjoy it, but if I am off, I don't enjoy it. It's a great indicator for me if I am not doing so hot. Back to new moon. I read everyone's cards with their help of course. It's fun to be able to do that, although, sometimes I have to fight off this wave of a feeling that I can't do this that comes over me as I am about to read someone's cards. I think the biggest thing for me to remember is it sometimes takes a few minutes before I get something and that it's ok to be quiet while I absorb the messages of the cards. There's no rush. I am blanking out for some reason. I am having trouble remembering the rest of the evening or if there were other things that I should right about. Oh well. It was a late night and I am tired this morning. Oh one other thing that came up that I should write about is that I was almost allowing myself to alienate myself because of my beliefs. Interesting. Maybe it's more then that. Sometimes, some of the things someone would say, just wouldn't resonate for me. And I caught a part of me saying "you shouldn't be here, you don't fit in." It's very quiet and sneaks up on me when I am least expecting it. I was able to think it through. I reminded myself it's fine that we all have different beliefs, I enjoy their company and they enjoy my company and the diversity of us all is what makes it all so fun. Then it said "but they don't feel that you fit in." Sneaky, first it's about me not feeling like I fit in, then when that doesn't work it says that they don't think you fit in. I had to soothe myself with they invite me to be here, invite me to meditate and obviously do what me to be a part of the gathering. Then it was gone. I am glad I was able to process through the fears and feel good about being with everyone. I can keep doing that. Today I appreciate the beautiful day and the wind blowing, I appreciate that Keegan is feeling more like himself and that him and Hayden are treating each other so lovingly. I love that Brianna and Gavin, get to be at P.E. with their daddy and playing the day away with friends. It's wonderful that it's the weekend, Sean and I have plans with another couple tomorrow night. We are supposed to go kayaking sometime this weekend, whether we can all go, we'll just wait and see. I am taking my Nanny to the movies sunday night. Lots of fun things to do. Sean said he'll play a game with me tonight before he plays games online. I love that I am going to sit and relax a bit while the babies nap, and then I get to see my friends when i go to pick Brianna and Gavin up from P.E.'s after party. I love that last night I came home feeling empowered and excited. I spent a lot of time while laying down, envisioning all of the things I want to experience. It was easy and fun. Today I intend to enjoy some outside time and henna, spend time with my boys, enjoy just being and allow others to just be. I feel like my dad came to me in a dream. The feeling just popped into my head. I can't get more from it. Maybe later it will come back to me? My cards for today: Goddess: Isolt: Undying love: Sedna Infinite supply Vesta Home This just popped into my head, my father is coming through to let me know there will be an abundance of love, happiness, harmony, money, joy, fun coming into my home. Just let it in. Cool. Abe cards: I want to feel good I am selfish enough to want to feel good. See the theme? Ok Setting my intentions right now to feel good! The Universe knows me and the Universe adores me. Love getting this card, its so soothing. Tarot: Past: Lovers Present:ace of stones future: chariot Right away I got that Love, joy, abundance will all be mine with some focused intention. I believe I need to focus my energy more so right now, on abundance and love, and if I use my inner strength and determination to stay focused, it will unfold perfectly. I have lots of good things waiting to be allowed in. I am going to bathe my boys and enjoy them. In Love, Light and Appreciation D~

cards for yesterday April 26 & cards for today April 27th

Last night I really pooped out and never even got back on to post my cards. So without further ado: Goddess: Maeve:Cycles and Rhythms: honor the cycles of your body, energy levels and emotions." I probably still need to keep her in mind, today I still feel run down and like my body is fighting something off. My energy level felt better earlier and then dipped. I managed to get Brianna to girl scouts and Hayden and Keegan to the doctor. Usually I let these things ride out, but Hayden and Keegan have had fevers for 7 days and Hayden doesn't seem too much better. He's also got a nasty sounding bark cough, like stuff is stuck. The doc felt that they had a throat infection andd needed antiobiotics, I asked if he meant strep and he said he thought so. I lined up nice and quick with giving them antibiotics. It's nice when it's easy. I made it to blockbuster and the grocery store to do quick shopping and fill their prescription. It feels nice to have gotten that all done. Mary Magdalene:Unconditional Love: "Love yourself, others, and every situation-no matter what the outward appearances may be." I needed this yesterday, I was off my game and feeling harsh towards myself and others. Today I am still a bit cranky but not nearly as bad as yesterday. I can love myself even in my low feeling moods. Aeracura:Blossoming:"You are just getting started, so have patience with yourself and the process, and do not give up." Patience that this too shall pass...ok Abe cards: "Whatever I give attention to-wanted or unwanted-I am creating." So all this attention to feeling low , slow unenergetic, not really what I want to be focusing on. What do i want to focus on? Feeling energetic, feeling healthy, feeling slender, feeling happy, feeling guided, feeling connected, feeling loveable, feeling empowered, feeling beautiful, feeling wonderful.. There is an abundance of everything (shortage is only a perception) oh yeah feeling abundant, that's another way I want to feel. To feel better is the root of every desire. (For us to feel better is the only reason any one of us wants anything) Always a great card for me to remembe that for myself and my kids. When we are angry or sad we are trying to feel better. Tarot: Past: ace of swords:using the strength of thought, crystal clear thought Present: Hierophant: I saw this card yesterday and saw tiredness, inflexibility. I don't normally see that with this card. one part of the book said clinging to outdated traditions and to me this says that I am falling back on old habits due to feeling so tired, and some of those old habits are very inflexible. Future: Six of swords:Getting to the point..that's what came to me. Book says:information comes to the surface.. Now for today's cards April 27th Goddess: Artemis: Guardian:"you and your loved ones are safe and spiritually protected." This was nice to get today after feeling anxiety over Hayden's healthy. Yemanya:"Golden Opportunity:"Important doors are opening for you right now. Walk through them." That's nice to know even though my days aren't feeling as positive. Butterfly Maiden:Transormation:"You are experiencing enormous change right now, which brings great blessings." ahhh so maybe all of this yucky feeling will be a wonderful growth. Abe cards: It is not my work to control others. ok I'll try to remember ;) My happiness is my greatest gift to others. I will focus on taking care of me. This is a glorious time for me to be on earth. I'll try to remember this too ;) Tarot card: Past:four of cups: this has four tumbling cups and it feels like "I am off my game" , or like feeling unsure or which way to turn: Book says:feeling weary or dissatisfied, the better path looks too difficult. Yep, I am weary with tiredness and feeling better is feeling more difficult. Present:two of cups: i am not feeling this for my present card. It looks happy and intertwined, connected loving. On one hand it has felt really nice having Sean work from home. It's been comforting to have his presence in the house while I am feeling off. Book Says:union and harmony, represents love, marriage,new romance and friendship..I am missing the message. Future:two of swords: This card is soothing with the shades of blues-I see footprints, i think i will get my footing back..Book Says:a pleasurable time after a painful period..ok I'll take that... Tonight I am going to W's house for new moon. Maybe surrounding myself with all of that positivity and creativity will help me shift and/or refocus on some positive things. I plan to bring my cards and do readings if I am asked, i am bringing my henna because I am naked right now, and Brianna wants me to make her a necklace, so I will do that also. It will be nice to relax and refocus. Hayden wants up on my lap, so I will end this. In Hopefulness, D~

I'm focusing on what i don't want

Today I am feeling S-L-O-W and my energy is L-O-W, I am also feeling unwell. I find myself focusing on this and feeling bad, and feeling bad that I am focusing on what I don't want. Why am I focusing on what I don't want? Does it matter? Hmmm, how about I am observing how I am feeling today. I have periodically throughout today thought about how I feel when i feel healthy and energetic and empowered. That was my way of trying to focus on what I want, and I have even tried talking in my head about how i want to feel better, energetic, happy and slender. I also need to remind myself that it's ok to have a low, slow feeling day, it means I am wanting things I am not quite lined up with yet. It's ok for me to feel tired, and I can take care of myself and soothe myself. Hmmm how? Ok, like this won't last, it will pass, my weeks are usually filled with fun filled energetic days, I don't feel sick very often, I am generally very healthy. I am often do many fun things during the week with my children, they are also very healthy. It's ok to have a week where we stay home and relax. It's ok to have a day where I don't get many chores or activities done. There's always another day to get things accomplished. It's ok to not feel like I am flying high. I do love that feeling and I do love feeling empowered, though it's ok to just be. I love the days that I feel empowered and happy. Yesterday I spent much of the day in a wonderful, empowered place. It's wonderful to feel energectic, I love it when i wake up filled with energy and excitement. I love it when i feel like I can do or feel whatever I want. i love feeling in a high, happy mood. When I am in a happy high mood, it feels great to be me. Even now, I like being me and just allowing myself to have a slow day. I like remembering that I am constantly changing and shifting, and that these days are only a part of my process. I like allowing and being ok with where I am at. I have much to feel good about. I am really good to myself, I am really good at using my guidance, I am really good at shifting, I am really at taking care of myself, I am really good at choosing my thoughts, I am really at focusing on what I want. TOnight, I am supposed to go to a henna workshop that E is giving. However, I am feeling so tired and just feel like relaxing. I emailed her to let her know that I wasn't up to it. I am sure she'll give another workshop that I can take on a day that I feel more up to it. On a day that I feel more excited about it. It took me some time to figure out what I wanted to do, a part of me was reluctant to cancel because I thought it might shift me into a better mood and I don't like canceling at the last minute. Also, tomorrow night I was invited to W's house and I would really love to go, so I would like to pace myself so that I am up to going tomorrow night. Now I feel good about my decision, I can rest, watch tv, read a book, maybe even meditate. My friend wanted to get together this week, now tonight has opened up, however how I am feeling, I don't feel like i have much to give, like I won't have the energy to talk or hang out. Again, it's just about taking care of me and I think i will do that by staying in and relaxing. There's a few subjects that I want to get clear on and allow myself to receive. First off is expanding on my energy, happiness, well-being & intuition. I want to focus on feeling good with the energy I have, the well being that I have, how happy I am and how much my intuition is expanding. I have a lot of this in my life already and it's constantly expanding. I want to allow slenderness, and nice feeling about being me and being in my body. Also, I want to allow even more financial abundance into my life. I basically I want to have a never ending bank account, I want all of my clothes to fit easily, I want all of it to be easy. The next month, I am going to focus on these subjects and change any thoughts that don't line up with my desire. The other is wanting to be guided by my inner being. Last night L and I watched a movie last night called the Secret. I knew it was abe-ish. I knew the secret right away:Law of attraction. I enjoyed watching it because it was very visual. I am used to hearing or reading about Law of attraction, this had movie-ish parts and many different well known speakers sharing their experiences and explaining the Law of attraction. It was nice being able to watch that with someone who could appreciate the messages, it amazes me that it seems more and more of my friends are open to my beliefs and so accepting. It feels wonderful to be able to share with others so openly. I felt excited and booked myself tickets to see Abraham in Orlando in October. They are doing a full I can do it workshop with Louise Hayes and so many other wonderful speakers. It goes the whole weekend, but for this year I decided to just go to Abe's workshop, I will stay that evening because the key note speaker is Wayne Dyer, and I thought it would be wonderful to see him in person speaking. His later works really resonate with me. I went two years ago with my friend, the first year I went alone, and made a friend, and this past year I went alone and made a friend. This year i asked my friend L to go with me, since she seems to really enjoy the messages. Whether I go with someone or alone, I know that I will make a friend and enjoy myself. Maybe next year i will stay for the whole weekend of the I can do it seminar. I am already feeling better from the start of this entry. Later on I will post my cards, I did pull Maeve, she's all about honoring your body and cycles. How I am feeling is only a cycle and will pass. Oh Last night when my friend was over we pulled new cards and I pulled Rhiannanon, and Athena. I just love them, Athena is all about inner wisdom and Rhiannanon says you are a magical person who can create and manifest what you want. Just love pulling them. Post later with cards... In Appreciation, D~

guidance received while meditating, amazing myself and cards for Tuesday April 25th

So many cool things to write about today..where to start? Let's start with last night. I went to theater class last night, and what an improvement. Last week, I was feeling really uncomfortable and limited in thinking of ideas to do during our exercises. We played a game where basically it charades without talking and even the person guessing cannot use words. It's all about using your body creatively and many times thinking out of the box. Last week I was feeling inadequate and self conscious. Last night, I felt ready and creative. It came so easy and I really had fun. It felt good to shift out of that really uncomfortable place. I did lines with the teacher and felt really self conscious again, however I was able to process through it and really got a better feel for what I should be doing. As nervous as I was to work with her, I felt like my clarity expanded, my understanding expanded and my creativity expanded. How nice to have all of that expansion! Then I went to W.'s to meditate. It was so vastly different this time. Last time it was vivid and fast and powerful. This time it was slower, more peaceful. What is so cool is that we got the SAME messages, our meditations had so many similarities-it was like so neat. We were all jumping out of our seats wanting to share. Right away I was on a beach with Gavin. I was asking him what he needed? how could I help? And he told me to allow him to be, to allow him when he's angry, that I don't have to fix his anger, just let him be. We danced together and as always my father was there. Then Brianna, Hayden and Keegan showed up and we were all running together in the sand, playing joyfully. Then I heard them tell me that in times where it feels challenging to take a step back and detach from my emotions, to let go of the part that feels responsible for how they act and the part that takes their behavior personally. Then I was told to step out of my body and try to see the situation from a higher perspective and then it will be easier for me to receive guidance and in turn guide them. We were then swimming in the ocean, and it was endless and I kept feeling that's us we're endless. I asked my father how I could see the inner me, the part that knows all, and he said I already have seen her. Then I asked him how I could be the mother I want to be and he said I already am. He then told me that there's beauty in those moments that feel chaotic or challenging to me, that I just need to look for the beauty and you already are all that you want to be. I felt so peaceful and calm and hopeful. It felt wonderful to receive messages that resonated with me, that I understood and could use in my everyday life. I am ready to let go of that responsibility and let go of the parts that take my children's behavior personally. I am so glad I received these messages for today, especially today because all of my children are extremely tired and having a tough time getting into a better feeling place. Gavin especially is feeling angry and sad. He's upset that he can't get passed a level on a game, he's upset that he can't see a friend..he's just screaming and crying very loudly, calling names etc. However I am able to stay centered and grounded. I catch myself feeling angry and then I just sort of pull back, detach, breath deeply and see things from a perspective outside of my body. It's really helping me to stay centered and not let his contrasting situation turn into a contrasting situation for me. It's working with everyone. Brianna was having major meltdowns with her dad this morning, when I came downstairs I just took an emotional step back and was able to look at the situation in a more detached way. Things just diffused and she was able to move into a better feeling place. She began to get angry again and I used these techniques and things just diffused again. It's such a wonderful feeling to be in an environment positive or negative and be in control of how you feel. It's extremely empowering. The other messages that my friends received were pretty close, "just allow others to be" "let go and allow others to be" My friend was on the beach with her son, in the same manner I was asking very similar questions. How cool is that? My friend got a message for me "smiles and connections" I tend to focus on smiling throughout the day, especially at myself in the mirror. Today, I am making a conscious effort to smile more, whether it be at my children or just when I think a nice thought. I am just amazing myself right now, I want more of it. Gavin continues to scream over his disappointment and I just relax and breath. If I can do this today, I can do it any day. Abe says it takes three days to form a new habit and 3 days to let go of an old habit, I can keep this up for the next week, and before I know it, it'll be natural and habitual. I am going to share my tarot cards today, because they really resonated for me and I was excited about them. Past: Threeof wands: This felt like receiving guidance, I am the bright wand in the center, and one bright wand on each side, feeling balanced and guided/supported. Feeling my true self. Book says:talks about some business stuff, then says being in tune to the needs of your environment, being true to yourself, living up to your highest potential while able to truly be yourself, standing tall, security. It all fits together so nicely. Present:Three of stones: right away I saw the sort of dull looking environment, with three bright and gold orbs shining brightly with symbols on them. I felt like this was me today. My environment is well challenging, it's not bright and happy, my children are sick and cranky, but here I am, shining brightly and strong, remaining positive and open and focused on my intentions. Book says: Your mind, body and spirit emerge in fruitful ways, a powerful drive, determined spirit, you possess a creative artistic ability, now is a great time to work on yourself, you have many skills that can wonderful success, you are a dynamo, the power of an expert aptitude, you believe in what you are doing. Wow that is so where I am! Future:once again I picked the six of cups: it's a happy powerful card, launching and lining up with many desires. Notice the numbers of all the cards, how balanced? I have two three's and one six, I just love that it's all derivatives of three or threes, threes are very powerful spiritual numbers. I have to stop and mention how well I just handled something. Brianna and Gavin were having some problems, Brianna was trying to speak to Gavin and Gavin was in a negative attention grabbing mood, it got physical and Brianna kicked him in the face. I felt furious, really furious, this is something that will set me off, when one of my kids really purposely hurts the other one badly, so I kept breathing and breathing and told myself to stay calm and tried to take a step back, I was angry, however I told her it was time to go to her room. Then when Gavin was crying I told him he'd feel better, he wanted more sympathy, but I didn't give it to him. He asked why she kicked him and I let him know that she was trying to talk to him nicely about things, but he wouldn't stop teasing her and he got her really angry. I am more happy at how I remained calm. Goddess cards: Sige:quiet time:Take some quiet time alone to rest, meditate and contemplate." yep her message resonates. Pele: Divine Passion:"Be honest with yourself. What is your heart's desire?" While meditating, I can focus on what i truly desire. Bast:Independence:"Your independence is a foundation for your strength and success." More about balancing fun time, work time and solitude. Yes I am wanting quieter moments to reflect, focus and meditate. Nuture your freedom and independence, yep I can nuture this free feeling. Abe cards: "This is a glorious time for me to be on this earth!" I am feeling this today.. "Anything I can imagine being, doing or having- I can be, do or have." Nice card, I am so there today. The main event isn't the destination;it's my joyous journey. I can have fun alont the way.. I got a very abe-like movie called the secret. A friend is coming over to watch it with me tonight. I am psyched about it. It's fun to be able to watch something with someone who will appreciate the messages, who I can process through the messages of the movie with. How awesome, there was a time when I wouldn't have shared any of this with anyone because I wouldn't have thought they would like the messages. I love the diversity of my friends and their openness. In Love, Light and Appreciation, D~

Gavin and my mom

Yesterday my mom called and we had a really nice conversation. She's in a pretty good place considering all the contrasting situations that occur in her life. She asked me to draw cards for her, and she got Lakshimi, which really was perfect for her. She really was happy with it. I also then attempted to read her cards and I think she appreciated the messages I received for her. Talking to my mom, it's so easy to allow her to be who she is. I was thinking, how well I was doing this with her, and thought that I should be able to do this with Gavin. My mom and I have so much more history then Gavin and I. I just like the place I am in when I speak to my mom, it's truly unconditional. I would really enjoy for that to come through more so with Gavin and all my children. I want to expand on those feelings of unconditional love. Toward the end of our conversation, my mom asked something of me, that I promised my other family member I would not do. It's not a fun position to be in. This other family member said if I were asked a said thing, to just tell my mom to call them and discuss it-at my request, because at the time I didn't want to be the one to "break" the news to my mom what this person's request was. I decided yesterday to be the one to break the news because I felt I would do it in a more loving way. And my mom was angry at first, not with me, but at the news, I understood, because frankly, I could empathize with what she was feeling. However, I didn't empathize too much, because I didn't want to feel bad and get mad too. I allowed her to talk her angry talk, I knew she was moving up the scale of feelings and trying to feel better. I can't believe how I did it and the words that came out of my mouth. She didn't stay in anger and actually I helped her with her perspective. I posed some questions that made her think about things and question her desires and whether she really wanted them. By the end of the conversation, she was feeling better and so was I. I then thought, if I can handle my mom's anger like that, why not Gavin's or Brianna's? Look at it like they are trying to feel better. It's because how I handle them has become a habit, and I sort of don't go to that unconditional place. It's also a responsibility thing. I feel responsible for how they behave and that's not a fun place to be, especially when they are angry.I intend to shift that, I intend to go to an unconditional place when they are in anger and be their guide. Ok, I want to write more on this but I must pick up Bri and Gavin from the zoo. I will take a break and be back later. I am back, and they did great at the zoo. They were in a super moods on the way home. They had some squabbles close to home. All in all they seemed really happy and excited about their trip to the zoo. Really it was awesome that they were able to do that because we have attracted into our experience, such loving and generous friends. When Gavin, Brianna or any of them are in anger, I intend to keep in mind they are trying to feel better, I intend to be open and free of that responsibility feeling and I intend to guide them as I did my mother, from an open and unconditional loving feeling place. I have theater, so I will go now. Tomorrow I will post about my meditation experience with my friend. One last thing, I am really excited I joined an Abe group geared directly to weight loss in Abe-ish ways. I am looking forward to being open to all of the support. In Love and Appreciation, D~

my cards for Monday April 24th

Abe: My future isn't about my past. Life is only about NOW. Nothing, that has ever happened has anything to do with now, unless, in my now, I continue to think and speak about it. Fresh new thoughts today will always give me a fresh new experience. It's funny that I picked this card, especially after my tarot reading friday night. My past is a clean slate. Even with Gavin, my past beliefs of him, I can wipe clean and create fresh new thoughts. My happiness is my greatest gift to others. Unless you are in joy you have nothing to give anyway. Ahhhh. I intend to continue taking care of me, and feeling better feeling thoughts. Seeking approval of others hinders my joyousness. Yes, I continue to get this card, however I notice I am getting better at going within for approval rather than going to others for it. I intend to continue with going within for my own approval/joy. It's all about me. Lakshmi:Bright Future:"Stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine." I love her messages, it's so soothing. White Tara:Sensitivity:you are becoming increasingly sensitive. Avoid harsh relationships, environments and situations. Ok so i don't like the label of sensitive, I usually put her back. However, I am in a place right now, where crowds and noise bother me. I can be ok with that. And I can continue to expand and develop sides of me and decrease my sensitivity. It is possible and that's my intentions. Ixchel:Medicine Woman:"You are a channel for Divine healing power." This is a nice card to get today, with the twins being sick. I am also really glad about how I handled their sickness. Sometimes I get anxious when my children are sick. They have been sick since Tuesday, yesterday Hayden was at 103, wasn't eating or drinking, wasn't moving off the couch, didnt' pee until 1 in the afternoon and yet, I was able to feel ok. I felt relaxed, more like I just knew that the sickness would pass. It was nice to feel so trusting. That's a big step for me. He's still sick today, but not nearly as bad. I know that there's healing going on in my house. tarot cards: past:six of wands: I keep getting this card! To me is shows peace, joy, accomplishments present:nine of swords: This card shows a body without a head with nine swords stabbing into the chest along with raindrops. Usually when I see what I perceive to be a negative card, I feel anxious, but I didn't today. Right away I got that this was about my heart chakra being blocked. The book talks about watching your friends carefully or being stabbed in the back, that just doesn't resonate for me, so i won't worry about that. I will say that this card also feels related to Gavin a bit. Sort of like he's in an angry place and I am allowing it to affect me. Future:Four of swords: it's funny my friend got this card when I did a reading for her, so it was neat to see it come up in a totally different way for me. I see this card as things coming together for the good. There's a white orb shining in the circle of swords that ar coming at each other and inter crossing. This also felt related to Gavin. Like that we'd both get into better feeling places and come together in a happy way. In Appreciation, D~

allowing without guilt

It's been a low key but productive day. Right now I am enjoying some quiet time. My good friend picked up the older kids and brought them to the zoo. It was so hard to allow her to do this, because she lives near the zoo, and well she's driving twenty minutes south of the zoo to get my children and 20 minutes back to the zoo. Last night when she offered I felt guilty and told her no. She sort of persisted, so I relented and said lets see how she felt in the morning. This morning she still wanted to do this, so I decided to just allow her to do what she wanted to do and trust that she knows her boundaries/limits. I get Green Tara a lot and she talks about receiving help without guilt. So here I am enjoying my time, and appreciating that I have such a wonderful giving friend and appreciating that my children are able to have some fun today outside of the house since Hayden and Keegan are still under the weather. Brianna drew Cordelia today: Go outside. I am glad she's able to be outside today with her friends. I am feeling some anxiety, and maybe I should turn it around to something a little more positive feeling. Wouldn't it be nice if Brianna and Gavin were having a wonderful time. Wouldn't it be nice if they were getting along nicely and listening nicely and still having fun. Wouldn't it be nice if they were behaving themselves and enjoying that. Wouldn't it be nice if my friends were all having a nice time with my children. Tonight, I have theater class and then I will meditate with my friend. I am looking forward to that. I hope my exerience tonight is fun and healing and that I shift even more so. I pulled my cards today, and will post them seperately. It seems that the last couple of mornings my 3 Goddess cards are more like a mini reading. I don't feel like I need to keep them all day, I get the message and then I put them back. I can't even remember what the cards were right now, but I am sure it will come to me later. Oh- artemis, Vesta and one other card. I was getting the message that we are surrounded by loved ones and protected. I feel a lot that my father is around and other family members that have passed are with us, helping to bring more love into our home. It was a nice reading to receive. I then went ahead and pulled three fresh cards to keep for today. I like getting messages through the Goddess cards. For my tarot cards, I got that presently i have a blockage with my heart chakra. So I will be heading into the shower shortly and I will do some visualizations to open up any blockages. I also want to do a rampage of appreciation for Gavin. Things have been feeling a little difficult with him. He wakes at 4:30 every morning and tortures us every 15 minutes or so. It's tough. Also, his behavior has been triggering anger in me. My next two posts will be all about Gavin and my cards. In Appreciation, D~

from indecisiveness to clarity...& cards for Sunday

Good morning! Today I am feeling blah and tired. However, I am allowing my positive self talk whenever I think of it. I went to get Hayden and he was really feverish. He seems pretty miserable. Keegan is feverish, just not as high as Hayden. Hayden hasn't moved off the couch, and this is with some tylenol. I catch myself feeling really bad for Hayden, then I try to think things like, how strong his body is, how is body is taking care of him, how he's building his immune system and it does feel better. I found myself getting very angry with Gavin, he runs downstairs screaming and hitting at everyone. I didn't remember to remind myself that he's trying to feel better too, just going about it in a different way. However I did let myself off the hook for forgetting and feeling angry. Then he hugged me and was so sweet, that was nice. And it was nice that it happened shortly after I let myself off the hook about things with Gavin. Right now, he's eating his cereal, and smiling, and looking happy. It's nice to seem him feeling happier. We were supposed to go kayaking with friends today. Yet, Brianna is complaining of a little sore throat and a head ache. No fever. It's hard, because a part of me is tired and would like to just hang home, but on the other hand I really wanted to do something outside with the older kids. On the other hand, I don't really want to "split"the family up today, yet Brianna and Gavin aren't exactly sick so staying inside all day, might not be great for them. Wow look at my indecisiveness. Yikes! Ok, let's look at what i am more lined up with doing today. I think it feels better to stay with the family and allow everyone to rest up. My friends said we could go kayaking next weekend. I think keeping in mind, that there's more than enough time to do all the things we want to do as a family. Maybe later on we can go for a bike ride together, that might work out, even with the twins feeling under the weather, they can get some fresh air that way. Ok, I feel better now about my choice. Last night we went to Haru's with some friends. I had a lot of fun. Good food, good friends, my husband and lots of laughs, what's not to like? We went downtown Melbourne, they had a band playing. I had never been downtown at night while a party was going. Lots of people having fun, lots of people two sheets to the wind. I have a great time watching people have fun. I did go out of my comfort zone last night. Just being in that environment, I think I am a homebody. What I realized last night, as neat as it was to be outside w/ lots of people with loud music, I think I prefer to hang out in a quieter setting. Could just be the place I am in right now. I keep getting White Tara and I always put her back because I don't like the label of sensitive, but I guess in a way that's where I am at right now. It's not my favorite thing to be around tons of people in a really loud environment. And that's ok. I am glad that I tried it out and went last night, because I tried something new. I like that I am trying different things. It feels good to do that. It also feels good to feel ok with what I like to do. I like to hang out at peoples' houses and talk or play games. It's nice when I am in an environment that allows me to hear what people are saying, I enjoy going to the movies, I also enjoy trying different things, so that I find other things I enjoy. It feels good knowing which things I really enjoy to do and which things aren't as enjoyable for me right now. My cards. Goddess: Damara:Guiding children, I feel this one is more about me connecting with my inner child and having fun...I like the reminder that I am wonderful with children, that I am a wonderful mother. My Inner Being has been telling me just how great of a mom I am, I appreciate hearing it. I intend to continue listening to the wonderful things my Inner being has to say about me, and I intend to allow my child out to play more. Yemanya:Golden Opportunity:"Important doors are opening for you right now. Walk through them." I keep getting this card and I usually put her back because I don't see her message. She says"like the ocean, life is rich with beauty and variety, enjoy experiencing it's various rhythms and allow all doubts to be washed away." I intend to keep this in mind today. Aine:Leap of faith:she says to trust your intentions are clear and right for you, take time to pray or meditate and then make your decision.. Abe cards: By Visualizing my desired outcome, the perfect action is always inspired. I intend to do some visualizing today, seeing the kids as healthy, visualizing everyone in the house happy and having fun together, seeing myself feeling well and energized. I make many decision and make them right. I choose my unique path to joy. No one can create in your experience, for no one can control where you direct thought. On the path to your happiness you will discover all you want to be, do or have. I intend to pay attention where I direct my thought and direct it to what feels better. A fourth card fell out this morning so I took it.. I look for positive aspects in every experience. I intend to look for the positive in all experiences. My tarot cards: Past: son of wands-got this one a day or two ago.. present:two of cups: I see this as receiving love, I see this as allowing myself to love myself. I see this as all the relatioinships in my life shifting to a more loving positive place. future: six of cups...again I got this card yesterday..it shows lots of good things to come.. In Appreciation, D~

The happenings of yesterday, cards for today and some cool stuff

Yesterday, we went to medieval times. It was fun and crowded and loud. I was thinking during the show, how much more fun I would have had if I were a kid, maybe then the loudness & crowdedness wouldn't bother me. I kept looking at Brianna and Gavin and I'd watch them screaming a long in happiness. That helped. Whenever I began to feel like ahhh this is too much and then I'd look at them smiling and having fun and forget how I was feeling and remember that when i was a child I would have loved this. It really helped quite a bit! Afterward we went on a tour of the place, we were tired, and had to go to the bathroom, so really I could have skipped the tour, but it wasn't very long. We rode with friends, and my kids were really acting silly. Silly to the point of rude. Gavin is in a phase where his hands are always in his mouth and he licks his hands and wipes it on people. Soooo, that can be quite rude. On the ride there, I was feeling pretty annoyed with them. On the way home, I'd get annoyed but it was easier to come out of. I realize a lot of it is me feeling annoyed that they are behaving this way in front of a friend and that it could be annoying my friend-and boom then I am annoyed. I wanted to just completely ignore them, but couldn't seem to do it. Last night, we had our monthly crop night and I enjoyed it. I finally worked with my crystals and made a wonderful moonstone necklace. It's really beautiful and I feel really good about it. I read some cards last night, and did some henna. Mainly did tons of laughing. It was a wonderful night. I am going to take a break and will be back to write a little later. I am back! And feeling really centered. Sean took the older kids out and Hayden and Keegan are napping. I had some time to shower, work out, read my abe emails and pull cards. I read a post on my Abe list today that really resonated for me. It brought tears to my eyes. It's about self love, which I really desire to feel for myself. Well someone posted that their IB guided them in a way to talk to themselves throughout the day, loving self talk. She posted that she was at the store and a clerk wasn't all that friendly with her, and that in the past she might have felt bad or wondered if it were her, instead she "talked" herself through it in her head..She told herself things like, however the woman might be viewing her, has nothing to do with her, and how wonderful she is, and how beautiful etc. I had tears in my eyes and I just thought YES, this is what I need to do. This will help me line up with my desires of self love. I felt the jolt of excitement that I just stumbled onto something very big for me. There are so many times that I can use this self talk, as the kids are fighting, I can talk to myself about how wonderful of a mother I am, and that they can work through this and that I can easily guide them through it when I am needed etc. The possibilities are endless. So today, as I put on shorts that I haven't worn in a while, that are usually baggy on me. I began to notice that they were not fitting me perfectly, but it wasn't a good feeling because it sort of reminded myself that I gained weight. I decided to spin it, and I thought, gosh isn't this great, I have gained weight, and these shorts that I have had since after Gavin was born still fit. That felt much better. Then I started to tell myself what a wonderful healthy body I have, and how good I look even with the extra pounds. Yes I intend to use this self talk whenever I am in a contrasting situation, or whenever I am feeling a little down. I intend to give myself loving, pep talks. Tonight, we have date night, I really want to find something to do, low key. Quiet. We're going out with another couple, which will be fun. I drew some Goddess cards today and I felt they were directly related to tonight. I got the Goddess for drawing boundaries and White Tara for sensitivity. I feel that I need to give my input for tonight, that i would like to do something a little quiet. The plan was to look around at the art festival which feels good, I just would rather not stop into a real noisy place to eat. I would love it if things came together easily for us all tonight, and that we all feel good with whatever we choose to do. And I intend to have a lot of fun with my husband and friends. I decided to draw 3 different Goddess cards to keep with me today, since the other ones I felt I understood the message. Mawu :Mother Earth: right away I noticed the way she is holding the earth in her palm. The past two days (AND yet again today), I have picked the high priestess tarot card and she also has the earth balancing above her palm.Her message is"you are called upon to help with environmentalism." She reminds me that I love playing in the dirt outside and that I create my own reality. Cordelia: Go outside: "You have been indoors too long. Go outside and get some fresh air." It's funny that I picked two very outside/earthy cards today. She also mentions that your manifestation will occur in May, which is right around the corner. She's also the Goddess associated with Beltane. Cool. Green Tara:start delegating: "Ask other to help you, instead of trying to do everything by yourself." She reminds me to take care of me and feel good about it. Today, I really wanted a low key, quiet day. I arranged it so that Sean, Brianna and Gavin would be enjoying each other's company today. They went to truck day, the library and Sean called to say he'd like to take them to a movie. I can feel good that I helped create the quiet time that I wanted. It says Green Tara rescues us by empowering us to save ourselves. I like it. My Abe cards: Any surprise? "I envision more and act less" I intend to continue envisioning myself expanding in all the ways that I want. I intend to self talk lovingly to myself in easy and contrasting situations. "the measure of my success is my joy." I will keep myself focused on whether I am happy rather than whether I feel successful. It's all about having fun. "As I breath deeply, I feel myself thrive." I love this, I thrive just by breathing, how simple? I intend to take time thoughout my days to just breathe deeply and remember how I thrive by breathing. My tarot cards: I picked awesome cards Thursday night (with the high priestess), then I picked cards last night(again with present card being high priestess). Today, my present card is yet again , the high priestess. Past: Eight of wands: it looks like a bunch of torches ready to be shot off, I thought right away, look at those desires i have been launching! I felt like many of them were lined up and ready to manifest. Book says, things start moving extremely quickly, sudden progress and movement, change for the better, hope for a better future. I have had a shift and I have launched desires, that I seem to be lining up with. Present card:High priestess: I saw right away that I have the earth circling in my hand and felt wow, I am a creator of my own reality. I am powerful, I am intuitive.book says: a time to meditate and look inward, reconnecting with one's own serene knowledge, a feeling of calm serenity, step back and have faith, the answer will come, use quiet intution, ask what you feel rather than what you think, allow your inner voice to be heard, be at peace with life, let the feeling of being fill you with joy...All that please, I intend to feel at peace, I intend to use my intuition, I intend to have faith and allow, I intend to feel calm serenity, I intend to allow my inner voice to be heard, I intend to reconnect with my own serene knowledge, I intend to meditate and look inward, I intend to allow the answers to come, I intend to let the feeling of being fill me with joy..I intend to talk lovingly to myself and hear loving thoughts about myself. The fact that I have picked this card in a present position the last three times, feel like I need to realize that I am all of these things, I am more of a high priestess than I realize or allow myself to be. Future:Six of cups: Six cups that look like they are dancing above beautiful blue water 3x3, with bubbles and in the bubbles you can see more cups, the water is calm and peaceful with the shape of a star imprinted in the water, there's rainbows swirling around and pink, yellow, orangish tulips. This felt like the things I have been desiring coming to be. Fun, happiness, joy. love! Book says: blissful fulfillment that past work has brought, looking back at a happy fullfilled past,delightful memories, harmony and balance, casting your eyes toward the future. Yeah, the bubbes are more desires being launched out to the Universe. what awesome cards for today. Last night I had really cool cards: Past: was the blank card, my friend C said that it was like a clean slate. That really resonated for me, for a long time, I have felt like it was hard to shift because the past has shaped me so. The blank card was almost like the past doesn't matter anymore, you are free, and maybe indicates that I am ready to let it go. I belive L said something to the fact that the past can't hold me back anymore, it all resonated so much and it felt great to get that card. Present was High priestess and future card was Ace of swords-book says: crystal clear thought. Piercing through the fog and finding an answer.Strong determination, using the strength and force of thought, directing your intent, being able to focus on each seperate facet of your life, crown of enlightenment. I sure feel enlightened to today. Especially with what I just attracted today on the abe list, an idea to allow expansion of my own self love, by self talking loving words to myself. LOVE IT! May tonight, Sean and I enjoy our night with our friends and reconnect with sides of ourselves that are ready to expand. In Love, Light and Appreciation, D~

A night for sharing, loving, laughing, releasing and growing

What a night. Tonight a dear friend came over. We did our usual cards and what really awesome tarot/Goddess readings for each of us. Whoa. I love my tarot cards so much I will keep them for tomorrow and I will share them tomorrow. I want to get some sleep but wanted to post about tonight. I feel free, I feel lighter, I feel like I allowed healing that I didn't realize I needed-all with the help of a wonderful friend. I was able to open up about major insecurities from the past that occasionally pop up to bite me in the butt all sort of intertwined with our friendship. But not really about the friendship. It's hard to put into words. It doesn't even need to be put into words. It just feels so amazing that we can be so open with each other and that it flows easily and lovingly and all feels even more well in my world than it already felt. That's an awesome thing. I love that I & she manifested this deep healing conversation and that it unfolded perfectly. We are truly blessed to have each other. I appreciated her loving receptivity to my openness, her wonderful ability to be open to what I was saying, and allowing me to process through it with her. She made it so easy for me to talk about uncomfortable things. And I feel we're even closer for it, I feel I can let the old baggage go, I feel really refreshed. It feel so good, it's hard to explain. It gives me hope that processing things with anyone can go smoothly. AAHHH...That's nice to think about. There's been a wonderful shift tonight, for me and I am glad she helped me through it. Wow, things are really shifting for me. It takes something like tonight for me to realize, all the things that are happening in me. She had so many kind things to say to me, and her perspective of me, how she sees me, had my brows furrowing. Like huh, me? But why not me. Can't I see what she sees in me? I am worthy of it. And hopefully she can see what I see in her, which is a deeply spiritual, connected, unique, loving, open, engaging, fun, spirited, adventurous, intelligent, caring, bright eyed, special, strong, magical, creative, energectic,and lets not forget, passionate person. In Appreciation and continued Expanding, D~

Earth day, Cards for today, intentions and other ramblings

Today has been not bad not great, or maybe that's how I am feeling, not great not bad. We started off the day with girl scouts. Brianna enjoys that so much, and I hang out in the nursery with the boys. Gavin was in an angry place, more so feeling angry with his brothers. And feeling protective of what he is doing when they get near. I focused on reminding myself that he is just trying to feel better and I really shouldn't pay attention to the name calling that comes out of his mouth. I think I did pretty well in the nursery dealing with that. I noticed Keegan was feeling warm and when we got home I took his temperature and he had a fever. We were planning on going to the zoo and meeting friends and the kids got really excited about that, so they were disappointed. Brianna did something awesome, she said at least we have something fun to do tomorrow, Medieval times and we'll have a great time doing that. And we can go to the zoo next week. How great to watch her trying to help herself move out of disappointment. WOW. I will get back to today, but I wanted to talk about Earth day. Tuesday, at Life class we all worked in the church yard to get their yard straightened out in celebration of Earth Day. We raked and bagged leaves and I really enjoyed myself. I also am happy about somethings that occured while I was working. First it felt great to be working in nature and digging my hands into the leaves. It was really soothing and calming. Next, I got to work along side my children, which was nice. Hayden & Keegan stayed home to nap with daddy, so it was perfect, because I was able to stay focused on what we were doing. Then at one point, I started to notice who was working, who wasn't etc...and sometimes this can lead to frustrating thoughts. Instead I became aware of choices of thoughts. And I chose to think much nicer feeling thoughts, as everyone is doing their part in their own way, look at all the ways the children are making this fun for themselves and it really felt good and it sort of took the focus off of what I perceived some were not doing and more on what they were doing. And I was able to enjoy what I was doing that much more. I want to expand on that awareness even more and choose nice feeling thoughts. I am proud of myself for that. All in all, I realized how much I liked being outside and getting dirty and that was nice. I feel low on energy and I am not feeling so good about that. It's ok to feel tired, it's ok to feel lazy. There are plenty of days when I have an abundance of energy, and right now this is only a moment, at any time today there could be a shift and boom I allow boundless energy. Before Brianna and Gavin were driving me bananas with all of their teasing and bickering and I was struggling. After I allowed myself a mini-breakdown, I began to just imagine them as getting along. I began to focus on allowing them to figure things out and trying to keep myself out of it. For the last 45min or so they have been getting along so nicely. Sharing and building with k'nex, I have been asking if they want to play games and they are so busy with themselves they hardly notice me. It's really nice to see them enjoying eachother. It's feels so peaceful. More of this please. M, my wonderful family member, left a comment yesterday. And it was so helpful. I realize shifting my perception to what a gift they all are to each other could really help the dynamics of our family. I think I have fallen into a bit of a rut of focusing on how much they fight, tease etc and how much energy I spend trying to fix their fights or find solutions to their problems, instead of remembering that they are so lucky to have each other and I don't have to solve their problems. I think I might have been focusing on the cons of siblings way too much. Many of my close friends have one child and I think I sometimes look at their situation and remember what it was like when i just had Brianna, and how things were much easier. Or I imagine only having one child to homeschool. I love all of my children, but I guess I see more children as more work. Maybe working on that perception could be beneficial. Anyway, it was a breath of fresh air reading M's perspective and input on siblings, it was like that's right siblings are a gift to each other. Ahhhhh, it helped me remember why I wanted more than one, heck more than two in the first place. I wanted a big family filled with love and that's what I have. A big wonderful family filled with all different experiences and I am really blessed. And they are blessed to have each other. I intend to focus on how wonderful it is that my children have the gift of sibling-hood. I intend to focus on all of the wonderful benefits to having multiple children. As i watch Brianna and Gavin busy playing together, I am smiling, what better pro then that they always have a playmate, someone is always their to create and imagine with. I intend to shift my focus with regards to my children and hard work. I intend to see them as fully capable of doing many things on their own. I intend to realize that most of what I do with the kids or for the kids benefits us all and we usually have fun doing it. Brianna showers on her own, Gavin and her brush their teeth on their own, Gavin can get himself dressed, and they are able to clean their own rooms and put away their laundry. There are many things they do to make things easier on me. Bathing the Hayden and Keegan is fun, watching them play with eachother, getting them dressed is rather easy and I get to pick what they will wear. In a couple of months the twins will be potty trained and then they'll be no more diapers to change. Really a lot of what I do with them, I can usually have fun while I do it. If I shift from the place of feeling like I have to solve their problematic situations into allowing them to figure things out on their own, things will feel much easier. I intend to allow my children to work thru their situations and to trust in their abilities. Ok, I am feeling much better, before I post my cards, I have been reading friend's tarot cards whenever I can, so that I can expand my intuition. Yesterday after drama, my friends came back to my house. The kids played and I read each of their cards. With two I felt right on, and with one, I felt I had the message right, but it didn't seem to resonate with her, so maybe the message was for me or maybe she wasn't in a place to recognize the message, who knows? I just know that I want to keep practicing and allowing the expansion, and I want to line my thoughts up with that all. My cards are: Goddess which one is in me the most right now: Nemetona:Sacred space:"Create an altar or visit a power place to connect with the Divine." I don't feel I have to visit a power place, but that I am in a place like, where I am wanting to meditate and connect. And ultimately I think I need to keep doing that, and allowing quiet creative times. Which messages do I need most today: Sedna: Infinite supply:"You are supplied for today and all of your tomorrows." Always a nice soothing card to get. Mary Magdalene:Unconditional Love:"Love yourself,others and every situation-no matter what the outward appearances may be." This is a great card for today and I am feeling more loving/forgiving. Abe cards: My health and Well-being are natural forever. Nice card to remember, with the twins getting sick and with my gall bladder stuff. i will write quickly that my gall bladder has been doing better. I had the pain friday and then nothing til yesterday and it was mild. Then I got acupuncture/ with some crystal healing and I am feeling great. By visualizing my desired outcome, the perfect action is always inpspired. ahh I can do that. to feel better is the root of every desire.(for us to feel better is the only reason any oneof us wants anything.) I will keep this in mind, while I watch the different things happening with my children, Sean, friends, family and I. My tarot cards Past position: ten of swords: I have been feeling like i have a lot coming at me, to keep up with and feeling tired. Present:Ace of swords: the card feels like connection, peace, expansion. I line up with all those things coming at me and it doesn't feel as bad when I do. Like my children, I do feel at times that they are all coming at me and it's too much, and this card reminds me to shift gears and things will shift with everyone, and that it will feel easier, more peaceful. Future:Two of swords: it's all blue and fels peaceful, I think that things will become more balanced. More harmonious. Yes, there will be a shift and good things will come of it. the shift will come from me. In Love and Appreciation, D~

what do I want?

This morning has felt busy, and I notice my mood is a bit low and dragging. I want to focus on feeling as best as I can. As I sit here trying to type Gavin is whining about this and that and I feel myself getting angry because I want to have some time to focus on feelings-See I just had to leave again, because Hayden decided to knock all the magnets off the fridge. And boy am I angry. I don't always know how to feel peaceful or joyful when things feel chaotic. I don't always feel like I can get into a better mood, when the kids won't give me a few moments peace, even now, as I am typing, Gavin is still bugging me and gosh I am feeling really mad. So here's where I am, I am dragging, I am angry with myself and the kids. What do I want, I want some relief, I want to feel better, I want to be able to center myself regardless of what's going on. I want to stay where I am at emotionally regardless of my childrens' behavior. I want to remember to look for the things I appreciate in them, even in moments that I am not liking their behavior. I want to feel ok no matter what they are doing. In whatever they are doing that seems to be bothering them I want to remember that they are trying to feel joyful, they are trying to regain their connection and in those difficult times, I want help from my Inner Being, or Spiritual Guides, or my dad. I just want help, and strength. All of my kids have different wants and desires and I was going to say that they are all different wants and desires, but I guess underneath it all, it's about feeling better, feeling happy and they are all going about it in their own way. That's where I get stuck. I don't know what to do when one is going about feeling better in a way that he's hitting the other one, or teasing the other one, then I feel powerless and get angry that I don't know what to do. I want the solutions to flow to me, I want to be able to help myself feel better in those times. Even as I write this I am not feeling the relief I want to feel. I am focusing on the things I want. I want to feel better right now. I just want the feel better thoughts to flow to me and for it to be easy. What thoughts will make me feel better, what will bring me some relief. I want to allow them to come to me. Brianna is working upstairs diligently on work books. I appreciate that, even though she's not fond of workbooks, she's meeting me in the middle. She knows tomorrow and friday will be text book free, and she knows that for next year, we'll have much less textbooks and with all of that she's lined up with compromising with me. i appreciate that she has compromised with me. I appreciate that she started her homeschooling by making her own Goddess /Well being cards with loving messages and pictures on them. How nice that she wants her own made up cards to bring her daily joy, the way I use my cards. How very creative of her. Gavin is playing in the living room, as he sings a song about farts, yes farts. He thinks farts are the funniest things. So he's busy humming about farts and building with blocks in the living room. I appreciate how he's able to keep busy creating castles or the land of oz with blocks, legos etc. I appreciate that he finds cleaning up important and helpful and that he loves to do that. Brianna just ran downstairs to share some of her work with me. She's working in her language arts work book and it's fill in the blank long U words. Well she's circled the correct answer and wrote in an answer that she finds silly, so she's reading all of these wacky sentences and cracking up and then tells me she did it for me, because she wanted me to laugh. How sweet! Back to Gavin, he's constantly cleaning up after himself, how cool is that? With four kids, it's great to have one that is conscious about cleaning up after himself. He cleaned up the magnets that Hayden through all over the floor without even being asked. He can be so loving and affectionate at times. ok so I am beginning to feel better. I am going to eat a salad, and take a shower and I intend to keep feeling better and better. I am ready to allow feeling good thoughts my way. I intend to allow guidance from my Inner Being. In Appreciation, D~

My cards for Wedneday April 19th

Real quick post before bed. Tonight I intend to fall asleep easily and wake up feeling an expansion of my energy and joyfulness. My cards for tomorrow: Abe: When i appreciate I feel so very good. Tomorrow I intend to appreciate whenever I can, I intend to find many things about me to appreciate. I envision more and act less. Tomorrow, I intend to envision all those things I want. I have been doing a lot of that, and I will continue to do that. Drawing that card, is evidence to me that it's important for me to keep that up. The Law of Attraction, the most powerful Universal Law, is my friend. You create with your every thought. Tomorrow I intend to pay attention to my thoughts and remember every thought is a creation. I intend to choose what I want to think and create. Goddess cards: I asked for the Goddess that would most represent me tomorrow. Isis: "the situation involves your past-life memories." Her message to me, is more about my child hood memories, and I intend to be aware of any childhood memories that could be holding me back in my growth. And I intend to re-do those childhood memories and be easy on myself tomorrow. Vesta:I am going to do a visual cleansing, along with some smudging tomorrow. Aphrodite:"Awaken the goddess within you through dance, self-care, and appreciating your divinity." I haven't gotten her in a LONG time. I intend to be open and aware of her messages and envision myself awakening that part of me. Tarot cards: Past: five of cups: four grey cups spilling out into one large green cup, with stormy gray skies. I am not feeling this card, or getting it, but I guess it's ok cause it's in the past. Present:Nine of stones:golden orbs 4 x4 lined up with one in the center, with golden purple white light. This card feels like achievement of some sort. i see the letter H, for harmony, balance, I have achieved harmony in my body, my body feels good.. Future: Ace of cups: water pouring into a blue cup, three golden rings below, a rainbow in the background. This feels like I am open to receiving, all of that water pouring into the cup, blue, throat chakra, The goblet is floating above the rings and the rings are above the water, my emotions will be high, will be light and joyful, the three rings are body mind and spirit and they are open and lined up.. nice cards for tomorrow. In Love and Light, D~

Messages while mediatating and cards for April 18th Tuesday

Last night, after drama, I spent some time with a friend who wanted to meditate together. It was really quite a wonderful experience. We started off etching whatever came to us in a candle, then we said our own version of a prayer and what we intended. I brought several Goddess and Abe cards and placed them around our "altar". We meditated for 15 or 20 min. Mine was so vivid and peaceful. I felt so empowered. It was truly amazing. During the meditation, I saw myself flying about and I looked so different. I then saw the other me, like I know, in the fetal position, scared, sad and disconnected. I was told that the two me's needed to come together, not as one complete, but intertwined. My father was with me through most of the meditation. He was my guide and was with me as I embraced the other me. The other me was beautiful, joyful, slender, healthy, completely at peace and felt wonderful to be her/me. When we intertwined, we flew around together. I danced on the beach with my father. My friends that I was meditating with were there, and we danced and flew around to different spiritual planes. We blew energy bubbles from one plane, then there was a fire and I jumped into the fire and sort of let go of the stuff I don't need, let it be burned away, and then the fire burned beautiful white and I was anew, I allowed it to fill me anew, I allowed it to expand all the wonderful things I have in my life. Then my friends and I were on this plane and beings were writing all of these symbols all over my body. Yoda was there. I know, hee hee, but I think he symbolizes someone wise and spiritual to me that could come forward in a non threatening way, and I asked him what was my message and he said you already got it, and I saw myself entwined with the other me. I got that I need to sort of invoke her in my day to day activities, remember her, allow her out more. I saw my children and saw them intertwine with the other them and it happened quickly and easily and I realized I could visualize that happening for my family on the hard days. Then I was back to the beach and many people were holding hands in the shape of a never ending spiral and light was flooding down on them. I also saw my third eye opening and a huge volcano erupting. It felt like I could see or do anything , it was so peaceful and exciting at the same time. I didn't want to the mediation session to end. And at the same time, I wanted it to end because I was so excited to share the visions. There was so much more, just can't quite remember everything, I am sure that if I need to remember something it will be there for me. Well I have life class shortly and want to share my cards quickly. Goddess: I asked to pick one that was awakened and in me and I got Lakshmi:Bright Future:"stop worrying. Everything is going to be fine." "Hold positive intensions and visualize abundance." It's nice that this is the card I picked, it's very fitting, for I feel like that part of me is awake and aware. Brigit:Don't back Down:"Stand up for what you believe is right""Don't worry about what others think, trust your actions, stick to your truth, be clear about your intentions and touch your power." For this card I asked which Goddess I needed to be with me today. Her messages above resonate for me very much. Next White Tara:Sensitivity: her message doesn't resonate as much for me but I feel her message to me is to listen to my body and steer clear of what my body wants me to avoid. Abe cards: All is well...I asked for the card that would fit where I am at..nice card, nice to know I am on that path. The measure of my success is my joy: I asked for a card that I should keep in mind today. I am selfish enough to want to feel good: I asked for a card to help me on my spiritual path. Tarot: Past position: Death: cool card to get in the past position after last night, where I was sort of reborn and intertwined with the real me, and let much go in the fire. An ending and a new beginning. Present:Father of cups:A male-ish figure sits on the steps with a halo around his head and a book floating above his hand, in the back ground large stone horses nuzzle, a fire is being him. I see this card representing strenghth, but gentle loving strength, the book is just floating within his grasp, like if he needs it it's right there, I feel I am ready to embrace my strenght and gentleness..let 's see what the book says:Will see the best in himself and others, this often brings out the best in others, he is like the Magician, but is more focused on the journey rather than the outcome, can also mean an increase in wealth. Great card for me today. Love it! Future:three of cups, three golden cup spilling into goldn water, it feels serene and abundant, and flowing gently, I think I will continue to focus my intentions on the things that make me feel good, and more good things will come my way. book says: emotional healing, loved ones surround you.. I will go enjoy my day. In Love and Light, D~

cards for April 17th and looking for peace

I went to art co-op and felt overwhelmed. I was aware of how I was feeling and then I was feeling bad for feeling that way, but I couldn't seem to shift out of it. Right now I intend to let go of my judgements for how I am feeling. It's ok to feel how I am feeling or how I felt. At art co-op, I didn't like feeling like I was bringing others down, or that K went though the trouble to have us over, buy us pizza and supply the craft and I wanted her to know I was appreciative even though I was overwhelmed. So before you know it,I am already feeling overwhelmed, feeling bad that I am feeling overwhelmed, feeling bad that I am feeling overwhelmed and can't shift easily into a better place that I am now feeling bad that I might not be acting appreciative which could be making K & others feel bad...well gee, no wonder i couldn't shift into a better place. I was so busy feeling bad about everything and anything. K was also nice enough to offer swimming, which I had not intended to do. Brianna and Gavin wanted to badly, and K & others were nice enough to lend bathing suits and let them stay without me. So as I am leaving, I am thanking everyone and feeling badly that I am leaving my kids behind. Then I realized I was doing it again, feeling bad. I should be feeling good, what awesome friends to offer that my two older children could stay and swim. How blessed am I? Then I soothed myself by realizing that there have been many art co -ops that I have allowed children to stay with me without their parents and I do that quite often for many of my friends. So why can't I easily allow them to do it for me? Why not accept their help and offers and feel wonderful about it. We all do it for each other. I intend to accept, receive and allow help and offers more graciouosly and appreciatively, well i do appreciate, how about I intend to allow and accept help while feeling good about it. This all feels better. I was feeling overwhelmed, and I had trouble, but now it's quiet, Hayden and Keegan are sleeping, Brianna and Gavin are swimming and having a wonderful time. Now it's time for me to enjoy the quiet and feel peaceful. I can let my body relax and quiet my mind a bit. After I post my cards, I intend to quiet my mind and relax my body. I intend to feel peaceful and appreciative for this unexpected time to myself. Yesterday we went to my brothers and had a great time. In the past it's been challenging, trying to keep up with the twins, yesterday we were able to get a glimpse of how easy it will keep getting and how much fun the kids will have together. I also read my SIL's and her mothers tarot cards. It came so easily and I really enjoyed it. They also picked an abe card and a goddess card. I enjoyed that so much. Then my brother and Nanny wanted to be read, and I just couldn't relax into it, I could read my brother a bit, but my nanny I got completely blocked on and really struggled. Maybe too close to home or something. However, I think I would like to continue reading my close friends and maybe Sean if he'd let me. My cards for today, I haven't fully read into them, but will do it as I post them: Goddess cards: Rhiannon:Sorceress:"You are a magical person who can manifest your clear intentions into reality." Ok I have my new favorite card. This card, was so needed today, it brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful reminder for me when I am feeling overwhelmed that I am magical. Two other messages from her that really resonate for me: Know that you deserve good and put your energy into manifesting your dreams. Sedna:Infinite Supply:"You are supplied for today and all of you tomorrows." Who doesn't like abundancy? I love her reassuring messages. ixchel: Medicine woman:"you are a divine channel for Divine Healing power." My body has been feeling better and I appreciate that so much. Abe cards:Whatever abundance I seek is mine. (it is Law)! I seek lots of peaceful nice feelings and lots of energy and joy. I seek lots of patience, lots of fun. I seek lots of self loving feelings, lots of connectedness and intuition, expanded slenderness, lots of good health and well being and lots of financial abundance to keep doing all the fun things we like to do.. I want to feel good. Today no matter where I am going, no matter what I am doing, no matter who I am doing it with- it is my dominant intention to see that which I am wanting to see." I'll change the end to be: It is my dominant intention to feel as good as I can in the circumstance. I practice the Science of Deliberate Creation. Giving thought to anything is creation; giving deliberate thought anything is deliberate creation. I intend to picture what I want out of today in my head. my tarot cards: Past:The Hierophant This looks like someone really connected, balanced, intuitive. Person has a sort of gold crown, and above is infinite swirls with a yin yang in the middle and underneath her upper torso are three intertwined rings. This card feels really spiritual, this card feels powerful, how I felt yesterday. Books says : a person of high spiritual standing, can indicate a ritual or ceremony. I have been feeling really spiritual this past weekend, so this card feels fitting. Present:Ten of cups: this cards depicts ten goblets that aren't lined up evenly, but are standing on water, part of the water is green, some is red, a large sun looming over a pyramid. Some of the goblets have rays of lights, coming out of them. The red water to me signifies some troubles, but it turns to green which to me signifies :abundance, well being and happiness. So I had some feelings like the red water, overwhelment, but it shifted to green and now I am feeling better. book says reconnecting with one's true self. Peace and harmony.. Ok more of that please. Future: Six of wands: ohh i love how this card looks- there are six torches lit up with white flames and white wings appear above, like freedom...This card feels like flying high, feels like I will be feeling free, feeling powerful and ready to shift. Book says: flying high, high energy, feeling good about yourself, a triumphant attitude that inspires others. Wow I love this card.. i intentd to feel free, feel peaceful, to feel good about myself and to reconnect with myself. In Love and Light, D~

My intentions

How I want to see myself, courtesy of a loving friend, her exact words: "I wish you could see yourself how others see you. How I see you, in particular. You are an amazing, vibrant, caring, compassionate, spiritual, generous soul who has a beautiful family and many friends who love her. I know that it does not always feel that way to you, but to the outside world - you are a gift from god. " Wow, it amazes me that someone would see me like this and that's sort of sad. If I believed all of that about myself, I think I would walk around with a smile on most of the day. I appreciated her words so much that I just needed to put them here, where I will read them and set my intentions to feel that about myself. If someone else can see me that way than I can too, and I will be so much better off for it. Thank you to my special friend, your words, brought tears to my eyes and they meant so much more then I can even put to words expressively. You warmed my heart and helped me set my intentions for today. Today I intend to read those words above and I intend to see myself in that way. I have art-co op in a few minutes and I am not even showered. I have more things I would like to write about and my cards for today. I will post again later. In Appreciation, D~

Things can be easy..

I have this habitual thing I do sometimes, that I don't feel benefits me, but many times I really want to do it anyway. And this morning I had my mind made up that I would do it and not beat up on myself about it. That I would be easy on myself about it. However, I intended to do my journal entry and my card entry before I would allow myself this habitual thing. Well, a wonderful thing happened, the desire to do this habitual thing just dissolved. How cool is that? I think I will take a shower now. Much Love, D

Cards for Easter Sunday 2006

All my cards speak to me today.. Abe: Nothing is more important than that I feel good. And feeling good is where I am at today, and i can easily see why it's important. My joy doesn't depend upon the approval of others. No effective guidance will ever be achieved by seeking the approval of others, for they all desire different things of you. Constant pure guidance from Source comes forth from within you. It is always there. Getting this card was wonderful today, especially since I am ready to let go of that pattern of wanting others approval. The Law of Attraction, the most powerful Universal Law, is my friend. you create with your every thought. By the Universal Law of Attraction. you are attracting the essence of whatever you are giving your attention to wanted or unwanted. yes I gave attention to what I wanted to let go of, and then I turned it around to focus on what I want to allow in, and i have been busy visualizing all that I want to allow. Very timely card to get today. My Goddess cards: Artemis:Guardian:"you and your loved ones are safe and spiritually protected." i love her message that all my needs are being met and always will, it's so soothing. Last night, I was feeling a bit anxious as I went to bed. I was double checking that all the doors were locked, which is not like me, I usually go right to bed and trust that the doors are locked. It was comforting to get her reassurance that I am safe, after those weird feelin"gs before bed. Sekhmet:Be Strong:"you are stronger than you think you are, and your strength assures a happy outcome."Her messages really resonated with where I am:don't underestimate yourself, see yourself as victorious, your are the embodiement of strength, as you rise above old tendencies and see yourself in the new light of feminine strength, your life will shift in miraculous ways. You'll attract new opportunities, forms of abundance and relationships to help you manifest your highest potential. Being strong means seeing yourself in the most favorable light you can imagine. Wow, it reminds me to keep imagining myself how I want to be, and picking out the things I love about myself and focus focus focus! I love being reassured that I am strong, and that I will rise above old habits and my life is shifting. Oonagh:Easy Does it:"There is no need to hurry or force things to happen. Everything is occuring in perfect timing."-slow steady progress is best right now, do what's important to you, there's no reason to feel competition, or to hurry or to feel like you have to force things to happen. This is a great card for me, because as I am shifting, it's nice to remember that I don't need to force anything and I don't need it to hurry. Slow and steady. Wonderful reminder for me today. Things will unfold in their own time, perfectly. Tarot: Past position: Six of cups:six floating cups, 3 side by side, above beautiful water, wth bubbles and flowers and a star imprinted in the water. This card feels peaceful and joyful, and I think it represents best how I felt yesterday and last night. I was free and launching desires, (like the floating bubbles) and I was uplifted and hopeful. Book says: ok wow, Casting your eyes toward the future..wow what did I do last night and early this morning, I visualized all that I wanted..The blissful fullfilment that past work has brought. Looking back at a happy fulfilled paast..delightful memories, harmony and balance, associations that are full of pleasure..that card was so on! Present: Father of Swords: There's a man standing on pillars, with three connected circles, amongst joyful sunflowers, with his arm raised up, with his hand, holding a light, with rays shing down around him, there's also religious type looking symbol..This card feels very spiritual and very strong. Like I will be on top of things, the things I want to do, will feel easy, I am in complete control of my reality and I am ready to accept that responsibility. Book says: an active, forceful intellect. Successful. A born leader. Inspiring rather than frightening. It goes on, but doesn't totally resonate with me. I think I will go with my intuition. Future: Father of wands:it's night, there's a large moon and pyramids, a golden figure, is sitting on a chair that looks like an open book, the area looks like a sanctuary of sorts, with candles, goblet, dog and cat..The figure looks in deep mediatative thought. That's strange that he sits upon an open book. This to represents, being in a mediatative state, the large book he sits atop, show endless possibilities, and that I am open to them. The cat and dog represents the joy that I feel as I do my mediatative visualizations. I will be relaxed and calm during the process. Book says: wow, what I said doesn't match the book at all. Someone with incredible intellect but lacking in social skills. Chained by his constant need to consume knowledge. He is rich with invention but never satisfied. I wouldn't call myself a big huge intellect and that I have a constant need to consume knowledge. Either this card, is representing someone in my life, or I should go with what I felt when i picked the card. Maybe I will pick a card to shed some light on this card..Hey L, if you have an ideas leave a comment.. picked another card with the intent to understand the father of wands card. Mother of Swords: a woman, floating in the night sky with an eye of light and rays above her, she's over white mountain of snow, and under is black water, and purple mask and flowers..I get this represents expanded intuition, seeing and feeling using third eye. Purple is a highly intuitive color, the mask shows hiding something. Ok something came to me quickly as I typed that last sentence, I have been hiding my intuition, blocking my third eye, but I am ready to throw down the mask, what's been covering my creativity and intuition.. Putting these cards together, I feel that the Father of Wands represents, what I am doing to open my blockages, I am open, like a book, I am open to doing what will help me expand my creativity, intuition and happiness, which is doing some mediatative things and allowing. The mother of swords, helped me understand the card more and shows that I will succeed. I intend to keep the messages of my cards with me throughout the day. In Appreciation, D