I have moved!! Link enclosed

http://newagemommyof4.immotive.com/ This is the new address to my blog. I will not be using this blog anymore. My husband was kind enough to figure out a way to import everything from this blog and started a brand new one for me with all of the capabilities I had been looking for. Yay, I do have an awesome husband-what would I do without him! :) In Appreciation, D~

I'm Back!

We had a great time. i don't have time to post, because we're off to a birthday party. I will hopefully post tonight about our fun vacation. In Appreciation, D~

preparing for fun

ok, if I am preparing for fun, then why am I in such a grumpy mood? Lets see if we can change that with some journaling. The kids are really effecting my mood today. And actually they don't have to do much to bring out angry feelings in me. What's up? It doesn't really matter, all that matters is that I want to get into a better place. I don't have all that much to get done today, so I know it's not that. I just need to get some bills in the mail, tidy up, and pack. There's plenty of time to pack, because we can get on the road anytime we like. Check in is at 4pm. Last year we arrived around 1pm and they let us check in early. I was thinking of getting on the road around their nap time, in hopes the twins will fall asleep. I will have all day and all morning to pack. I picked up lots of food to bring. We thought this year, we'd save money and eat breakfast and possibly lunch in the room. We get a fridge. They have a big buffet where kids eat free, but the adults are 20 bucks a piece, and a pizza hut. I remember last year we were pizza-d out. The buffet hours are later than when my kids are used to eating. The outlook for the weather seems a lot better than it did a few days ago, it went from 60% showeres to only 20-30%. The twins still are boogery, but do seem to be feeling better. I thought I might be getting it, but I am feeling fine. Gavin is healthy, Sean is healthy and even Brianna's ears were clear. I have been lazy. No homeschooling yesterday. Except art co op. Robin was host, but at my house. She brought these stained glass things for the kids to paint, all of my kids painted at least 2 of them. We had quite a few missing, but it was nice, I was in the mood for a smaller group. My friend and her daughter stayed the entire day with me, which was nice. I had an adult to talk to, not just an adult but a good friend. One of the mom's caught me off guard and asked if her child could stay for a few hours. I wasn't actually in the place where I wanted to watch any extra kids, and also my kids don't seem to play all that much with this child. It went well. Ok, my kids were cranky and were treating their friends very nicely. I think I handled it well. Sometimes stuff like that can get me churning inside, in a bad way. I never like to see my friends or their children getting rough treatment from mine. Sometimes I worry that they won't want to hang out with us anymore. I was able to fend those irrational feelings off. I stayed calm. I did good. After the friends left, I spoke with my kids about how they were behaving and let them know they were hurting other's feelings. They seemed to get it, and Brianna said she wanted to apologize the next time she saw her friends. Last week at a friends birthday celebration, we started to talk about another get together. One of our friends is moving away. It came together for tonight at my house. I am making my taco dip-at her request, and a yummy fruit dip. Also making some tropical drinks. Some friends are bringing-fondue pots and making yummy cheese dips. I am really looking forward to tonight, we'll laugh together, play some games and eat yummy food. It'll be a quieter way for us to say goodbye to our free spirit, fun friend. She doesn't know this, but there's a surprise bridal party being held for her next monday night. However it will be larger, tonight there will just be 5 or 6 of us. I hope I find the time today to make her something. I don't know what yet, but I have been feeling like I'd like to make her something special. I think I will suggest that we let her decide what she wants to do tonight, like she can pick out the games, the music etc..Tonight is also my friend's birthday, so we'll celebrate her too, even though she says she's birthday'ed out. She'll get to pick a game too. It's going to be fun..i feel like a little kids all excited-gosh I am a geek. Then tomorrow we're off to nick hotel. The kids are very excited about it. I am too. This time we'll have the suite that will fit our family- three bedrooms, living room and mini kitchen! Perfect. Sean and I will sleep on a comfortable bed, Bri & Gavin will have the fun decorated room and Hayden and Keegan will have cribs in their room. This year will be even easier, the twins are swimming with floaties on their own, Gavin is swimming on his own, and he's taller so they won't give him hassles about the slides, and Sean and I will be able to relax more. Last year, when the kids went on the slides, whoever was left with the twins, had their work cut out for them. This year, much easier. All of the kids will love the character breakfast even more than last year, because they watch the shows. We'll do the family double dare show. We know the ins and outs now that we have gone. At night time when the kids are sleeping, Sean and I can relax, play games, cuddle and have fun. I think it's what we need, just to get out of our environment and recharge a bit. All of us have been enjoying water-so this will be perfect. I am feeling much better in regards to the twins sicknesses-so I am glad I went to the doctors. I am really getting lined back up for this trip. I felt conflicted a couple of days ago. It's funny the last 5 days I keep pulling the fairy vacation card. Very fitting. I have pulled Eireen three days in a row. I just love her. Yesterday, I pulled her, Mary Magdalene :unconditional love, and Aeracura:blossoming Fairy cards were Problem resolved and Happily ever after My tarot cards from yesterday was interesting. I didn't get any hits at first. I had my pendulem out because I was asking my higher self questions about going on the trip. I kept getting We should go on our vacation. Anyhow, I got the hanged man, the four of stones and five of cups.. Five of cups, was regarding my feelings of disappointment over the way things were coming together with the trip-the twins being sick, the weather looking bad etc. As I held the pendulem, it came to me that the four of stones represented my children, and the hanged man urged me to focus on all of their unique qualities. Very different type of reading, but one I needed to get. I am feeling much better now. It's funny how journaling, can shift one's mood. I am going to pull fresh new cards for today. Very interesting cards for today. I am not comletely in a place to process them right now, lots of distractions. Assess your relationship-interesting.. The law of attraction is the most powerful Universal Law is my friend. Fairy cards Miracle healing Making new friends stand your ground i got the messages quickly from the fairy cards.. Goddess Kali Ending and Beginnings Bast independent Butterfly maiden Transformation Mawu Mother earth got some messages from these but not all yet tarot Eight of stones The multiverse and ace of cups. Didn't get a hit for these yet, will focus on them when it's quieter. Now it's time to get some things done. In appreciation, D~

Sean's father's day

Good morning. I have managed to get into a better feeling place, which is a relief. Physically, my body is fatigued. I think all of the energy I expended when i was in the bad feeling place, has wiped me out. I am just focusing on taking it easy. Yesterday was father's day. Sean didn't seem to enjoy his day. I felt frustrated at times. The twins have a cold. He was disappointed that are plans to go to the beach as a family were changed, and he decided he didn't want to take the older kids, because it would be too much work. I have to laugh at that. Just Brianna, Gavin and I at the beach, piece of cake! I think though he wanted us to all do something as a family. He's got a right to his disappointment. All morning long, I kept asking him what he wanted to do, to get a gameplan. It felt like I was talking to myself. Finally, I said do you want to go to blockbuster and rent family movies. So he did that. We also planned on having the grandma's over, which I don't think he wanted to do, but felt obligated to do, because it's been over a month since we had them over. All in all, he seemed angry, and I found myself getting pissed because I told him to do whatever he wanted and yet he wouldn't. He said that I was feeling too tired and he couldn't just leave me. I told him if the roles were reversed and I wanted to get out of the house by myself on mother's day and he was tired, I'd still go. He seemed surprised at that. I think I am much better about doing things for myself without feeling guilty. He feels bad, and then won't go because of that. I was feeling really frustrated though. It's like today is your day do whatever you want. I decided that I wasn't going to be the planner of the weekend because it was his weekend. But I found that I had to keep coming up with ideas. Oh well. It's his stuff to work out, not mine, and getting frustrated doesn't really improve the situation. I really wanted him to have a special weekend and it felt like he was disappointed and I was upset that he was disappointed. This morning I told him that if we're all healthy Sunday, we could have a father's day do over. But he didn't seem into the idea. Lets focus on the positives shall we, I surprised him with a spontaneous hour and a half massage wednesday night. He got to sleep late friday, Sat, and Sunday morning. Friday night he went with friends to a movie and dinner. Saturday he took the older kids to andretti, and then later we went to a movie as a family. Saturday night we had a game night and we let the dad's pick the games. I really enjoyed the game night btw. One game did get intense, but afterward we played this really fun, fast paced bean game. I loved it. And I was so grateful that game night happened, because I didn't think it would come together at all! Sunday, I made him breakfast and tea, and he had the option to do whatever he wanted to do. There, I can feel better now. See how nice it is to focus on the positives? Now I just need to do it for my trip and the twins. Ok, long pause just happened and now I'd like to catch up and finish this post. I took the twins to the doctors, and he gave us the go ahead to take the kids on the trip. He said, that Hayden had the beginnings of an ear infection and that Keegan more had a sinus thing going on. So he prescribed them antibiotics and now I feel much more lined up with going. He even checked Brianna's ears and said she was clear. I will write more tomorrow. In Appreciation, D~

Ready to leave release all this heavy stuff

Seriously, I have been feeling so heavy and serious and sad about things. I am so ready to be done. I want to have some fun. I want to laugh, I want to smile, I want to feel good. I want to be in a place where all of the small and big stuff just floats past me. I am sick of feeling like this. I am sick of myself ;) I really want to be in this place where little bothers me. Lately, I have been in this place where lots of stuff is getting to me. It's driving me batty, I am driving myself batty! So, I am going to write my dad's card, cry if I need to and then change direction. Just like that, very easy right? I want to change to feeling good, celebrate my dad in spirit and feel good doing that. I want to focus on all of the ways he's come thru to me, and all the ways he can still come through. I want to focus on the fact that he's at peace now, his pain is gone. I want to focus on all the things that are going for me, the wonderful support of family I have, how awesome my husband is and what a fun relationship we have together, I want to focus on all the great traits my kids possess and how much more we are doing as a family-like the beach, the movies, restaraunts, and what about the great homeschooling resources I have and all of the fun stuff I got from the convention. How about the fun we're having homeschooling? Things are much easier and more fun. How about all of the creative outlets I have, more then ever-I was someone who used to feel I didn't have an ounce of creativity in me, and now look at me! Look at how hard I try to get myself feeling better and loving unconditionally. I don't always succeed, but I am motivated and I put in the effort. What about all of my wonderful friends? I don't think I have felt such love and so many different fullfilling connections in so long. And all of the fun that I have with my friends-all of the different things we do together, from game nights, to bead nights, to just quiet one on one evenings and of course parties parties parties. Sean feels better with the connections he's made with the husbands and looks forward to different get togethers. What about how unconditionally loved I feel by my friends, and that I can share just about anything and it doesn't make them want to run for the hills? What about how I seem to be able to open up more and share with them things that are bothering me instead of keeping it all inside. How much more brave I have become and comfortable to find a way to express my feelings-I used to run from any type of perceived conflict now I seem to delve right into my conflicted feelings about myself and others and I try to keep in mind that it's all about my perspective. Yes I have come a long way, and I have a lot to keep me smiling. the twins are napping and hopefully feeling better. Game night could still happen, and if it does I am going to laugh and laugh the night away, and even if it doesn't, I am going to spend time laughing with Sean. I have a wonderful trip to look forward to, a friend's birthday party-which should be a blast and many other things. I will change direction and focus on all that I have in my life and all that I am. I intend to feel better NOW! And I have to admit I am feeling better since typing all of that. Things feel lighter and I think I am ready to release the bad feelings and some of the grief. In Appreciation, D~

Yesterday

I really had a bad nights sleep the night before last. I couldn't fall asleep, my mind was racing and I couldn't seem to soothe it. I don't think journaling about serious-unhappy stuff is all that good for my sleep. Better to journal about the hard stuff earlier in the evening or afternoon. It would probably help to feel better about things before I sleep, I just don't always know how to feel better over my father. So yesterday, I woke up feeling really tired and just not well. Lack of sleep tends to make me even more sensitive and can really affect my mood in a negative way. Getting ready for the beach was nice, I didn't feel rushed, and I appreciated taking my time. We got to the beach and of course Keegan wanted to go right in the water (and boy was it cold) but I was able to get them busy doing other things. I felt ok, not great, my body didn't feel all that well-had a headache, had this feeling in my chest, like a rock or better a block. It didn't feel good, it hurt. But I tried to focus on how beautiful the water looked with the sun shining on it and how nice the ocean sounded. Friends began arriving, and I took Keegan into the water. It was so cold, it was hard at first. However, it began to feel so refreshing, since it was such a hot day. The waves were huge and over my head. The only time I began to feel joyful yesterday, was when I was in the water. I'd visualize the ocean washing away the hurt feelings and filling me up with peace and love. It's no surprise the waves were so big, it sort of represents where I am at. Feeing out of control with big waves of emotion, bigger than I want, way over my head, able to knock me down. The big waves of the ocean were fun to me. I enjoyed jumping over them or bracing myself for a big one. There was never a wave that knocked me down, so maybe symbolically, I am not being knocked down emotionally either, but maybe being crashed into and keeping my balance-just barely, and with the strong rip tide, being pulled and pushed. Kind of neat to look at it that way. The ocean is very cleansing, and maybe what I am going through will be a big healing for me. In the ocean I feel like a kid again. I anticipate the really big waves and feel a thrill when one is coming. Just like a kid. I need more of those moments of being "just like a kid." Maybe that's why I like the ocean so much-it helps me to feel like a kid again. That's probably one of many many reasons, I adore the ocean. When i was out of the water, I felt like an outsider. I know it's the place I was in doing that. It's always so disappointing though when I begin to feel outside and disconnected from my friends, I feel like I have come such a far way emotionally and who likes to regress? Actually, maybe it's not regressing, maybe it's just being in a sad place and feeling disconnected because of my pain. We left early afternoon and I got home and got the kids showered. My friend, who came out from Orlando to see me, followed me home from the ocean. I began to shift a bit. Her energy was so laid back and loving, it was sort of contagious. I felt some of my dark mood lift a bit. We talked and caught up. It's been so long since we were able to do that. And I realized just how much I had missed her. And I decided to really put in an effort to see her on a monthly basis. I think her and I can alternate and we already decided that next month I will come see her without kids. My boys were so sweet to her baby. Hayden kept hugging him, and Gavin was very gentle and loving. Her boy is so cute. Such a baby still. He'd crawl around making these cute baby talking sounds. He kept putting his head down on whoevers lap was closest. What a cuddle bug he is. I showed my friends all of the things I had been doing and we drew cards together. As we talked we were interrupted many times, by my cranky boys, by leaky diarrhea diapers, and even vomit. I began to feel horrible that she was over while this was going on. She never flinched. I thought she'd go when Hayden had dairrhea, but she didn't mind. Then when Hayden vomited, I thought for sure she'd leave. Heck I would have! well guess it depends if I were in orlando. I loved her perspective: she pointed out that he had just eaten, and then we were pushing him super high in the swing in the heat. I felt better with that explanation. He ended up eating and being fine, so I think she was right. He does have a bug though, because he had diarrhea a few more times and he did it on the potty. Yay Hayden. Keegan was unbelievably tired, and had a runny nose. It got really chaotic around 3:30, but the craziness of the Friese house didn't seem to affect her, I ended up staying centered and relaxed. I didn't feel worried that she was thinking this or that, or regretting that she came. She seemed geniunely happy to be at my house. It was a fresh of breath air, and I emailed her that she was like that for me. We picked cards together and I loved mine! I got Eireen Peace:"there is no need to worry, as everything is working out beautifully" I really got a lot from this card, I always do. Sedna:infinite Supply: "you are supplied for today and all of you tomorrows." Fairy: Creative expression-I keep getting her! And I feel I have many creative outlets right now. Vacation-got her again-I hope this means our vacation will happen as planned..little concerned since the kids have a bit of a bug. my abe card: How wonderful I am. We are wanting to awaken within you the memory of how wonderful you are! How good you are, and how worthy of whatever you are wanting you are. I needed this card yesterday. Relinquish control:today's lesson:Identify one person you feel the need to control, and think about why that power is so essential to you. What do you fear if your hold is released? Your goal: to recognize how much stress is generated in your body through the need to control someone else. This also was a needed card for me. My tarot: Eight of swords-which looks like something preventing me from what I want.. Six of swords-which my friend helped me get looks like a breakthrough, and then the chariot which looks like someone receiving and giving out their power-maybe I will find my balance and give away less of my power-yes i will have a breakthrough that will result in me receiving and keeping my power. I am grateful that I got to spend sometime with a friend who was such a positive influence on me, that she was able to help me feel a bit better. I look forward to seeing her next month. In Appreciation, D~

The move will happen this weekend

And I am excited for it. Sean has found a way for me to save my blog to a file and then import it. I am very excited about this. I will leave a link on this blog when we get it done.

About my father post

I want to amend the advice I offered in regards to celebrating your father if he's still on the physical plane-to me it sounded preachy, and not everyone is in a place to celebrate their dad. And for good reason. So for those that are in a place to celebrate your dad this weekend, and think positive thoughts about him. And for those that aren't in the place to appreciate your father, appreciate the next best thing. In Appreciation, D~

watch for a possible move

I love journaling, and I love sharing my feelings and my life, I find at times, I'd like to process through something on my own first though. So, I am looking for a new place to blog, where they allow some posts to be private. That way I can work through some things privately and have it set to private, til I feel ready to share my it. This very much is a diary for me. And most of the time I enjoy sharing me with my dear friends. Every once in a while though, I need to work through something and it's harder when i am in a dark place to share myself so openly. I start to feel naked, and when I am in a dark place I find myself worrying more what a friend might think of me. Also of course, there are times, when one needs to work through feelings about their friends or just occurances, and that is a bit more difficult when you share your diary with your friends and the internet. There's also some things going inside of me that I haven't shared. I know unbelievable, how much do I have going on ;) and just not ready to share. That's ok though. I feel like i put myself out there a lot as it is and even my dear friends don't have to know all of my deepest darkest secrets. So when i find the perfect home for me, I will hopefully bring all of my posts with me and leave an address here to find my new home. Love you all, D~

Missing my dad

I spent the night with a friend beading and henna-ing. I really enjoyed myself. She worked on earrings and made me two pairs. A pair of agate earrings, that I have been wanting to make and just hadn't gotten to it. Actually I spent three hours on a friend's earrings and just was not in the mood to tackle any earrings. My friend made it look very easy so maybe next time I will take the time to try it again. Tonight I was inspired to make a necklace for Sean for father's day, which I just love! I used Jasper, pietersite, agate, hematite and Jade. He loves it also. I also made a necklace for my father. I really love how it came out. I used moonstone, jasper, and agate. I was wondering if this would be something he would have liked when he was alive. So many things about me have changed since he died. I often wonder what he would have made of me if he was still on this physical plane. I guess it doesn't really matter. I did what I set out to do with regards to my father. I wanted to focus my energy on making things for him for this father's day, which I know really means for me, but that's exactly why I did it. For me. To help me feel better, to help me feel and know that he's still around and that when I drink from the mug I made for him, or feel guided to wear the necklace I made him, that hopefully I will feel closer to him, or feel him around, or just remember that these things are for him. I needed to do something for him for me. I bought him a card today, and the next thing I will do is write him a letter in that card. A father's love for his daughter is eternal. I keep hearing that in my head since yesterday when i made the mug. I actually put that on the handle of the mug, but it didn't stay. I really want to fit it onto his mug somewhere. Lately, when I think about him, I start to cry. I thought I was past that. I guess at times I am and it's ok when I am in a place of sadness over the physical loss. He had this way about him, and I just miss that so much. I miss his presence, I miss his voice, and the way he'd sit by me with his arm around my shoulder. I miss his smile and his laugh. I loved it when I got him to laugh, he didn't laugh easily, and maybe because of that when he did laugh it was special. He had this way of making me feel like the most special, precious person. And he had three kids, that's a gift when you have more than one and you are able to make them all feel so important. I only hope I "inherited" that gift and that my kids feel that they are the most important things to me. I miss watching him with my kids. I feel sad that Brianna is the only one who will really remember him. I liked it better when i was feeling happy and joyful when I thought of him. Right now I am focusing on all that I feel I have lost. I like looking at his picture and smiling. Now I look at it and feel a lump in my throat. It will pass I know, I just need to allow it to be released. I noticed that I am feeling the loss of some friends. One friend moved and another one is getting ready to move, and well I think that my grief for my father is making it a little harder to let go of these friendships. I have been feeling sad, and it's similar to the feeling of loss with my father, but on a much smaller scale. They are here on the phsyical plane, just in a different state. I wish I could feel my dad's presence on a regular basis. I wish I could feel him talking to me, or hear his voice, or even see him. I wish I could get insight from him. I just want to know that he's around, really *feel* him. I did enjoy my evening, and I am so happy I got to make a necklace for my father and for Sean. Sean really loved the necklace and that meant a lot to me. To me he is the epitomy of creative, and lately he's always praising my creativity. It makes me feel good about my own creativity. Tomorrow, Sean's working from home. I plan to go to the ocean tomorrow with friends, I wish he could come with us. we'll probably go this weekend sometime. My cards: Mother of wands, two of something it's the oppression that I got a couple days ago and two of swords. I felt immediately that the mother of wands shows that I can create two of swords:peace or the oppression one. I wanted to pick another card to give me an idea of where I am choosing or what I will be choosing and I got the High Priestess. That felt good. Goddess I kept sulis and fairy magic of nature Picked: Green tara:start delegating and vacation.. white tara Sensitivity: and Positive expectations. I really liked positive expectations. Abe: When I appreciate I feel so very good. Wisdom Change Direction: Know that healing sometimes depends on the strength, willingness and ability to change direction. Many people postpone doing so due to fear or lazines, and then they wonder why they are not happy and healthy. your goal: to make one solid, effective healing choice by the end of the day that can positively change the direction of your life. I feel like there's something to this, it's sort of out of my reach, but I'll get it and post about it. For those with dad's still on the physical plane, appreciate them, hold them dear to your heart this weekend. Spend time thinking nice feeling thoughts about them; they won't always be on this physical plane with us. Celebrate the fact that they are still with you-it's a wonderful blessing. And for those whose fathers have past, do something special for your memory of him and remember that a father's love for his child/ren, is eternal. In Love, D~

yes I am back again, but with great news!!

The black thing on my mole was a scab! I am really relieved and excited. I plan to keep my appointment on the 6th just to get my moles looked at, especially the ones on my back. I just wanted to share my news. I feel so good about things. My life is awesome. In Appreciation, D~

My kids are AWESOME

Everything went pefectly, they behaved themselves so nicely. The bank was quick. The oil change, well that wasn't so quick and sitting in a hot car, they were really quite amazing. I am so glad I felt the need to go, my tires all four of them, were supposed to be at 35lbs, and they were at 20lbs, my belt, can't remember the name of it, was ripping, that is the one that hooks up to everything. Glad to catch that before it broke on it's own. Then we went shopping, and the kids were just a joy to be with. I was enjoying them immensly. Many times it can go either way, and they can fight and scream the whole time or are all big helpers. This time it was wonderful. I came home exhilerated, feeling wonderful and so appreciative. Even better when we got home, my friend with the sick kid that she was watching, well her mom came to get her, and so we then went swimming after lunch. It's like I got to do everything I wanted to do or needed to do. We had a great time, and then I dropped Bri off at bells. Now I am getting ready to go out to hang with a friend while Bri is at music, and then later tonight a friend is coming over for a quiet evening of beading/henna etc. Lucky me! In Appreciation, D~

Help me my kids are driving me CRAZY

There's a high amount of energy in this house, and my plans have fell through-sort of kind of. I was really attached to the idea of swimming today. Immersing my body in water. First thought was to call a friend and go to the beach, however the timing was off really for both of us. Then I remembered I had plans with another friend to swim-YAY..except the kid she is watching has a vomiting/diarrhea bug..UGG don't really want to go over there while the child is there. She's waiting for the mom to call and pick her up, and then she's going to cleanse/sanitize her house, and possibly have us over..if the timing works out. My kids are super loud, and bouncing around like little maniacs. First on the agenda is the bank, an oil change and grocery shopping. I realize once I can get past this need to swim there's still plenty for us to do. I will be going to the beach tomorrow and can swim then. Maybe I will take the kids to the park after lunch. Yes that sounds good. Then they can hopefully expel all of their energy. Am I crazy to take them on all of these errands? Possibly so, but they need to get done. my appointment for my mole is july 6th. Kind of irked that I couldn't just get in there right away, cause I really want this thing off and done with. As it is after the biopsy it will take 10 days or so to get any results..ok, stop-that train just leads me to frustration...I will call everyday for a cancellation and maybe I will get lucky! Well off to run errands, wish me luck with my super high energy kiddies! In appreciation, D~

feeling worried

I was enjoying some time with Hayden and Keegan outside, helping them make father's day crafts, when Hayden pointed to my leg because a bug was on it. Well what caught my eye was a small mole that I have had for a very long time. It's center is now black. I don't remember scratching it, and it's not sore to touch, but very dry and it almost feels as rough as a wart. This has always been the same color, never changed until now. And it's usually smooth and soft to the touch. Maybe I scratched it and it's a scab? The only thing is normally when I accidentally scratch a mole it's sore to the touch and this isn't sore. My whole mood shifted once I saw this. It's like all the good feeling and fun drained out of me. I am hoping that my dermatologist can get me in tomorrow or friday, because I will feel better to just get in there. I did work on a gift for my father tonight. I decorated a mug for him. I think because of my mood, I wasn't in the happy place I'd envisioned. I felt sad and lost. I do like the mug, and I think good things will come out of it, I think the sadness was compounded by my concern over this mole. I lost my steam quick, and couldn't move on to his letter or his necklace. I think when I do those I would get more out of it, if I wasn't in such a dark place to start with. I had planned on just curling up on the couch watching a show by myself, and then sean wanted to watch a movie with me. I felt like being by myself. I did try to watch the movie Fun with Dick and Jane, and I just didn't get into it, and actually found myself not wanting to watch it. So here I am. I might pull some cards and then get some sleep. My tarot cards: The Sun The universe and Daughter of cups. I feel like outside forces are at work, more like spiritual forces to help bring me some peace over my worries. Helping to guide me back to a feeling of connection. my wisdom card for today has all new meaning now. Surrender to the divine:today's lesson:Identify one fear that you need to surrender (my fear over the change in the appearance of my mole)unconditionally into the hands of the Divine-with emphasis on "unconditional". This prayer can truly change your entire life. Your goal to lift the burden of fear from your soul. yes I would like to let this fear go. Just the idea of it, lifts my spirits a bit. I will keep this card for now. Abe: wow I got a card, I don't think I have ever gotten! I inhibit no one. (we each create our own reality.) As you find vibrational harmony with your desires, you are never inhibiting or preventing anyone from living what they are creating-but you are controlling and creating your own reality. I love my goddess and fairy cards. Wow. Once again, each goddess card seemed to compliment or add to the message of the fairy card and vice versa. Goddess: Sulis: Bodies of water:spend time near water, such as a lake, river or the ocean to recharge your batteries. Maybe I should go to the beach tomorrow morning with the kids. Wonder what the weather will be like? The Fairy card: Magic of nature: I love being outside in sunshine, I lfeel energized by the sunshine, fresh air, plants and animals. I take excellent care of every living being including myself. Pele:Divine Passion: Be honest with yourself: What is your heart's true desire. Fairy Creative expression:I am a highly artistic and creative person, I now allow this side of me to be exposed. I do have a passion for being creative lately. From journaling, to beading etc. I find ways to sooth myself in a creative way, like honoring my father with a gift (the mug I colored). As I colored it tonight, I wondered why I hadn't ever really done anything like that for him when he was alive, except when i was a kid. Because I convinced myself I wasn't creative and didn't ever even want to do anything creative. It's nice that I am allowing this side of me to come out more and more. Athena:Inner Wisdom: "You know what to do. Trust your inner wisdom, and take appropriate action without delay."hmmm is it my inner wisdom directing me to the doctors over this mole thing, or is it my fear. Sometimes, it's hard to tell. I will say that the way I discovered the change, felt a bit like Divine intervention. It did, it felt so strange and surreal, it was like someone gently got my attention..It's hard to explain. Whatever is going on with it, I am sure I have discovered it in plenty enough time, and it's so small...It's really one of my smaller moles. The fairy card:Peace of mind:My mind is now peaceful and I know that all of my needs are automatically taken care of. I can rest easily, assured that all is well. My cards have actually soothed me, and my mind does feel more peaceful. Now I will sleep peacefully and tomorrow I will be guided in just the right way, where just what I need will happen, and it will happen easily and peacefully. Yes I feel better.. In Love and Appreciation, D~

Journaling junky

Lately I can't stop blogging. I feel really guided to journal, so i'll go with it. Today has been a really enjoyable day. Sean worked from home and let me sleep in til 8:30-I swear I have the best hubby ever-no not biased at all ;) I am going to surprise him and for the next four mornings let him sleep him, get the kids to bed and get their breakfast stuff ready. We usually take turns, but since father's day weekend it coming, I think he'll enjoy a break from the usual stuff. I am also going to schedule him a massage oooohhhh, I have been trying to think when to do it this weekend, but I should do it for tonight! That way he can choose to do other things this weekend. He loves going to the ocean-if the weather permits. I still haven't gotten him a gift. I feel bad, because he got the most thoughtful gifts for me and I haven't thought of anything but a couple of dvd's that may or may not be here. I just want the weekend to be all for him and about him, and celebrating what a terrific father he is, actually celebrating what a wonderful person he is. I want him to do whatever he wants to do. Friday night he's going to the movies with friends. We might have a game night this weekend with friends. I wish something would pop into my mind for him, sort of how the massage did. Well I'll wait for some guidance and I am sure I will get it. I homeschooled a lot with Gavin today. He read a book, he made an orbz book and orbz levels. What a great way to get him to draw ;) Then we did mind benders and Dr Doriddles. We also played yahtzee. It was really nice to have so much one on one time with him. Then Brianna was done making her clubhouse and she did some work in the Thoughtful child. She loved it! Yay! She read in her nanny McPhee book and practiced her piano. We also played a bunch of games together. I thought it'd be nice to have a light day with them. I really haven't done as much with the twins, but I promised them we'd go out after their nap time. Just trying to figure out where to go. Maybe a park? I got to work out and shower, and Brianna and Gavin played together the whole time, and still are-and they are getting along great. I love days where they play nicely together. All feels well. Just got back from dropping them off at drama. Gavin wasn't wanting to go. His teacher says that he asks for me and asks to go home. I think if in the next few months, his enthuiasm doesn't return for it, maybe we'll find him another activity that he might enjoy more. I noticed that he seems more shy onstage lately. I am in such a creative mood. I feel like beading, I feel like henna-ing. But I don't have any spare body parts left to henna. Maybe I will do some beading tonight. I'd like to make some agate earrings. And I have plenty of agate. My cards today: Wisdom for healing: Surrender to the divine. Today's lesson: identify one fear that you need to surrender unconditionally into the hands of the Divine-with the emphasis on "unconditional". This prayer can truly change your entire life. Your goal: to lift the burden of fear from your soul. Heavy stuff..i can think of some fears to hand over.. Abe: To allow well being I must be in joy.Just the same way you cannot set your radio turner to 98.6 and receive the songs playing on 101fm, you must set your own vibrational turner to one of well being. Feelings of love, joy passion, exhilaration, fun interest...are indications of your vibrational match to well being. Goddess and Fairy for every goddess I picked, I picked a fairy to go with it: Mary Magdalene:unconditional love"love yourself, others, and every situation-no matter what the outward appearances may be." Fairy:Kick up your heels. I took this two ways, in reference to Mary magdalene, I took it as come on get going and focusing on loving myself and others unconditionally. The other way I took it was to represent the fun I had last night, and sort of that place I am in, wanting to have friends over, and just have fun. I got Aine:leap of faith and fairy inner child(again) and I felt they were connected, like that that leap and nurture my inner child..I had this card yesterday or the day before, so i obviously needed it again, because I don't think I got the message. Nemetona: Sacred space and Fairy Look inside yourself... Tarot: They have been a bit confusing for me to read at times. I think that I need a nice home for my cards. The box broke, so it's not quite working, and they are mainly out in the open. In my tarot book it says that if you don't have a nice home for your cards and show them respect, that the messages in the cards can get confusing. I picked several different cards and put them back and in each set of three, I got the Father of stones. The set I last kept were Three of swords:mourning, five of wands Defeat and Father of stones. Right away I got that this was about my father. That's why Father of stones kept showing up over and over. Then I remembered a dream I had with my dad in it. I am not feeling like it was a visit from my dad, more me processing my feelings about him. I can't remember all that much about my dream. Just that he was in it and he was alive in the dream, and I remember waking with a strong feeling, maybe sadness. Father's day is coming up. My dad is not here in physical to celebrate it with. I know that even though i am feeling so much better, I still mourn for my dad's physical presence. I am saddened over the fact that I don't get to call my dad on the phone on sunday to wish him a happy father's day. That i won't get to give him a *physical* hug. The cards I pulled mirror my grief and feelings about these perceived *physical* losses. I miss him. And I haven't been putting as much focus in my thoughts toward him, or any focus in feeling him around in spirit. Maybe I begin to miss him more when I haven't been putting any energy into feeling him around. I think I will work on something for him for this weekend. A present of sorts. Not sure exactly what. I want to do an album for him, but don't know that I can get through all of the boxes in time to put something together. Something will come to me, I already feel ideas flowing my way. A letter, a mug and a necklace. That's what I will do for him. Maybe I will work on the necklace tonight. I am going to pick my kids up from drama now. I might post again later about how things are going with my father's gifts. In Appreciation, D~